GET HUBBIED

Here is the latest from Liz regarding how we address the ceremony's flow, aesthetics, content and guest arrangement. We've been in a spirited dialogue with Karen Kimmel, Miguel Nelson and Joe Sola, who are the artists dealing with these aspects of the wedding.

"Thank you all so much for all your ideas so far—you has given us so much to think about. I can’t say enough how pleased Jon and I are about the artists Bettina has selected for this project. Your ability to both critically examine the wedding in terms of the aesthetics and the content of the ceremony, with a deep sensitivity about how those two elements are fundamentally intertwined, is going to result in a radical reworking that we could never have dreamed of ourselves but that we really wanted, and we are SO excited about that. Jon and I need to sit down and talk all this through together, but these are my initial thoughts about what’s been discussed so far:

A couple of points:

One of the most important things we want to “solve” in the ceremony/reception is creating a space of family and community and folding in the “guests” as participants/support rather than “audience.” I am hopeful that will partly be achieved in the ceremony itself, but it can also be addressed by creating a space in which people feel moved to be a part of things---comfortable, taken care of, relaxed enveloped in a genuine sense of hospitality and beauty.

The other dilemma presented by the ceremony/reception is: How might we bring a sense of ritual and the sacred to a secular ceremony (because the fact is, we are still opting to have a “ceremony” and call it a “ceremony”). Is there a secular vocabulary that exists (or that you/we can invent) that will bestow a sense of the gravity of the undertaking and mark this rite of passage for us and our friends and families. (Jon will probably take issue with my invocation of “sacred,” but I can’t really think of a better word for it.) FYI, the definition of ritual is: “a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. It may be prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community. The term usually excludes actions which are arbitrarily chosen by the performers.” This latter point is important to point out because I think we have to fold people in by drawing on the somewhat familiar, lest it become too unfamiliar/non-shared and thus too “performancy.” The idea is that we capitalize on values and gestures that we already all have, or at least recognize, even if they aren’t typically used in a wedding.

This is all to say that I think that Jon and I are pretty much willing to throw most conventional wedding tradition out the window if it means we can achieve the above two things (with the caveat that we recognize that making things too unfamiliar might scare the guests a little, and we want people to be comfortable.) So, to answer your specific questions:

I initially like the idea of the ceremony as a course as part of a long dinner, especially because of the ritual tradition of feasting/food and how that might be part of the larger ritual of the marriage. There is huge history, in terms of food and ritual, to draw on (even in the most quotidian Sunday service, one drinks wine and eats bread, right?) and it could be employed in a really interesting way that would be familiar and comforting to people. There is also, of course, the clichéd metaphor of marriage/love/commitment as metaphysically “nourishing” and “sustaining”—something, again, that would pretty much resonate with everyone, I would think. So, incorporating it into the framework of a shared meal could be a really beautiful gesture of tying together all the themes we are trying to bring to the forefront. I also like the idea of a multi-course journey a lot—I think that could be a really interesting way to get people to come together through a shared experience of participation.

My concerns about it would be: What does Joe Sola think about this? Is the idea interesting to him, and would he want to work with it? If the wedding is a long dinner, does that mean everybody sits at their assigned place for most of the night? Because it is also our wish that we get people to circulate among each other and come together as a larger community—not just pockets of people who already know each other. (This treads a fine line, though, because we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable my making them talk to strangers all night either…) Would the evening be so rigidly orchestrated as to be exhausting for guests after a while? And, yes, would I be too nervous by course 4 that I would not be able to say my vows?

I love the idea of having the table set-up as sculpture. I initially (even before Get Hubbied) really wanted long tables because I wanted more of a sense of “feast” and “dinner party” and not a sense of corporate hotel ballroom wedding, which is what those round tables suggest to me. I know there are serious space constraints what with the way the larger room is set up, especially with the columns, and that long tables are likely not possible. But if we can get to the ideas of hospitality, party, community, etc., with an interesting configuration, I am all for that. Forming a big circle around the dance floor/ceremony space, which was Miguel’s initial thought, is appealing--it’s definitely that kind of spirit which I’d like to foster, even if that’s not the configuration we ultimately choose.

I know that Karen is working out something amazing for the floral/aesthetics and, honestly, given her work I’m pretty sure I’m going to like whatever it is she’s thinking about doing. I do also love the idea of the Woolly Pockets, especially because, and I think I mentioned this before, Jon and I were initially really set on having the ceremony outdoors, so bringing in plants and flowers into the space in a way that they are very layered and dense like nature itself (even if that means we are using stencils or paint or paper or whatever Karen decides she wants to work with) instead of just a flower arrangement here or there is super appealing to me and will be very beautiful.

Many, many, many thanks!

Liz"