Here's the drawing that sprang out of the conversation between Bec, Ruben, Barbara and I. As a companion to the drawing, I thought it would be interesting to include some of the images Barbara gathers for her research and inspiration so they could flesh out the overall feeling of the piece. The images and ideas in the drawing are like birds fluttering around in a cage. As Barbara said, it is a marriage machine; a machine that ingested our conversation and created its own architecture with the ideas strung up like laundry on a line.

Barbara:
"I wanted to make a sort of machine made out of parts from other 'soft' architectural machines that the couple bring to the marriage: cameras, Frank Lloyd Wright, Gaudi and Man Ray.... So, it is a diagrammatic marriage machine..."

*Tyler Hubby

I wanted to extract from our correspondence, since Nicholas' words and thoughtfulness are so much a part of his art. These pieces of jewelry were borrowed and returned and had symbolic value for the couple; Nicholas made reliquaries for them to temporarily rest. When the mementos were returned, their resting places became even more meaningful; their memory filled the spaces like the dent in a pillow or a scent of a person after they've left a bed.

This is from Nicholas early on in the project: "I ordered a 1869 copy of ‘the science of new life’ a book on marriage that I will probably attack and use as the container of one of our new martian photos about love and bonding. Its filled with wonderful advice for both the wedding and afterwards."

A couple of other quotes: "I like the way certain books have carved out holes for precious objects and family heirlooms. I was interested in defacing the book’s victorian ideas about marriage using your family treasures and inserting the future of love and the intertwined martian couple in white bound into the book. My hopes were to dye the pages of the book blue without destroying it, so that may take some engineering. It will be a Kahn + Selesnick collaboration, just one that is more from Kahn because of my long standing friendship and sympathies toward Ms. Hubby and her exceptional Art."

"Something borrowed something blue" is a Victorian manual for marriage, painted blue, carved into a case for the bride’s borrowed jewels and sitting upon the groom’s blue sandbag from his filmmaking work, encases a new photo from Kahn & Selesnick from Mars in the future, of two people joined back to back by a tangle of connections."

www.kahnselesnick.com

As dinner commenced, Michele assembled and activated the colorful and deeply vibrant glitter-laden constellation that served as a heart-full space, in which guests had their portraits taken. Once erected, the colored light acted like a siren's song wooing everyone to line up and get snapped. It inspired everyone to get out of their seats, and they chatted and laughed while waiting to strike a pose with their mates and/or friends and loved ones. The energized conversation it created was magical. Any disparate elements of the crowd dissolved under the gels, hearts and stars. This was an element of the wedding that far exceeded any expectation; it joyously erupted and drew people together, and now exists as full-blown saturated memory of the day.

Michele:
“My assignment was to make a set for guests at the wedding to be photographed in, so my thoughts ran to the cosmicness of love, which would of course necessitate a lot of glitter and hearts.”

Ruben's parents, the Diaz's ===============

Bec's parents, the Ulrich's ===========================

Mike Slack and Tricia Gabriel =============================

Dave Jones and Ross McAlpine ============================

Tif Sigfrids and Russell Ferguson =================================

Paul Kopeikin, me and Steffie Nelson =============================================== *Michele O’Marah

Here's George Porcari, our distinguished 2nd cameraman, and Penelope Gonzales, whose enthusiasm for the Get Hubbied fake tattoos was incomparable.
==================================================================================================================================================

Lawrence Barth and Abel Gutierrez, the artist who painted the couple's portraits ============================================================================

My dad, Dr. Ben Hubby in his inspired wedding attire, and equally inspired stunner, Rose Apodaca =================================================================================================

New friends, Marie and Dannie Cavanaugh ========================================

Dad, our unofficial third cameraman, and the lovely Asuka Hisa ==============================================================

My sister, Bolyn Hubby, mom, Barbara Gillespie, and moi, getting the cogs of the machine greased and spinning
=================================================================================================

the groom's family table, the Diaz's
====================================

DJ with the mostest, the dapper Joe Williams
===================

I have no idea what I'm pointing at ==============================================================================

Tif's patience with me is remarkable ====================================

At the very least, I hug ==============

the halo of the room ====================

Bec's wedding and engagement rings were made from:

Even before she learned of the engagement, Bec's mother, Kathy, had brought her original wedding ring to give to to Ruben in Arizona. But what was to be the engagement ring needed a stone. Ruben's mother, Grace, hearing that Kathy had given her ring, also wanted to contribute and so she gave the diamonds from a wedding ring that she no longer wore. Lastly, Ruben's father Jesse, who Ruben is very close to, offered his original wedding band. Chris' design was a wonderful amalgamation of these family rings.

Ruben's Dad's Original Wedding Band - Chris fixed it, polished it, sharpened it and dipped it to match Bec's rings

Finished wedding rings

Photo By Tyler

Side of Finished Ring

Jewelry Designer Chris Neff

designed and made from scratch by Bec

Garments

Bec's Mom's Dress- Original Wedding Gown

Original Prom Dress- The dress I wore to my prom in 1996
Photos by Ruben Diaz ====================

Finished wedding dress and Ruben's suit

Finished prom dress ===================

Photos by Tyler Hubby

Daveed Kapoor and Alison Kudlow collaborated to create a uniquely peaceful space for the couple to reconnect after the ceremony when prompted to think about the jewish ritual called Yichud, where the man and wife would have a secluded time together after just gettting married. The artists re-imagined the traditional atrium—a domestic area open to the sky—by installing a fabric roof with a rectangular opening over the bed. They created a bed of Silver Carpet (Lessingia), a California native, as the first place for the couple to lay together post-nuptials.  

*Tyler Hubby

A week later Bec, Ruben, Daveed and Alison planted the silver-leafed vines on an unkempt hill across the street from the couple’s home.

www.AlisonKudlow.net, www.utopiad.org, www.daveedkapoor.com

Photo by Rose Apodaca

Karen Lofgren, you are my hero! The cake set the mood beautifully for the entire wedding. Centered on top of the piano, it greeted the guests as they arrived. It was so unexpected, no one could believe it was the cake. It was utterly and completely unique, thought provoking, and humor-filled. As the pictures will show, it took on the role of a more traditional wedding cake though in perfect timing. The bride and groom reciprocally fed each other with it, and then the crowd feasted upon it.

“I wanted the cake and cake topper to appear to be industrial supplies for building actual foundations, yet exist materially as fragile, ephemeral objects.” add quotes and cap first I ~ Karen

www.karenlofgren.net

Photos by Tyler Hubby =====================

Bec's father, who is a gifted and passionate reverend, Gary Ulrich, gave an incredibly powerful toast. His words reflected on life's profound trials and tribulations as he extended his love and blessings to Bec and Ruben. The very real tragedy that befell their family soon before the wedding, was the death of Bec’s nephew, Andrew, an incomparable devestating loss that they suffered together but were still able to celebrate the marriage with sincerity and gusto. The congregation was rapt and tears flowed freely. It was a moving moment during this rare event which brought this wonderfully diverse group of people together. forcefulness, and their playfulness.

Photo by Tyler Hubby ====================

The bouquet toss shook the place, literally. I'm now sure that Bec must have played sports as a child because of the way she wielded that bat - the girl has a strong swing. The pinatas, one dafodill and one daisy represented Ruben's and Bec's favorite flowers, respectively. I devised the symbolic replacement of the bouquet with pinatas due to the wish to subvert the original meaning of the bouquet toss. The bride anoints the next girl in line to be married via this ritual. There is a desperation and cat-fight kind of energy that often ensues during this ritual - the want of man-finding is a powerful force. To play with the ideas about how men and women seek out their mates, I chose to insert messages in bottles inside the pinatas; for the women and in the daisy (Bec’s favorite flower), I wrote tips for how to win a man, and for the men inside the daffodil (Ruben’s favorite flower), I wrote pick-up lines. It was disturbing and amusing on so many levels that these tips and lines were all taken from books published within the last couple of years.

my statement for this piece:
“The bouquet is a ritual about the gal who will be the next to be married. It is often a violent race and grapple to the prize. I wanted to humorously approach the subject of winning a man, picking up a woman, which may lead to marriage."

Photo by Rose Apodaca
=====================

Photo by Tyler Hubby
====================

Flirting tips:

Just get out there and flirt! * Have a fun conversation. Just try not to say anything dumb or idiotic * Make eye contact with a guy and use lustful and playful glances to keep his attention * Mirror his behavior and see if he mirrors yours * Keep negative vibes out of your conversation or you may end up depressing a guy or pushing him away * Listen to what the man says and look like you are interested while he talks * Try not to give a guy the impression that he is inferior to you or less intelligent. Make him feel special. Try to stay away from discussing any of your unique interests for too long * Women who flirt with younger men should appear to be more sensual in order to better attract them * You can boost a guys’ ego by laughing at his silly remarks or at his jokes. Try not to overdo it with the laughing * A slight tilt of your head can make you appear a bit more shy. * Combine a tilt with a coy glance * Don’t bore a guy with stories of your job, your children or your ex * Speaking softly can sound sexy and seductive to many men – especially if you hesitate a little while you talk * If you like art, then try scoping out men at art galleries or museums * Smile, make good eye contact and look approachable. Be sure that your feet are pointed at the man you want to meet * Some women have success meeting guys online through social networking sites, if you are into things like this * Plant images in his head. Talk about your body in a subtly suggestive way without specifics. For instance, that you’ve been working out * Get the guy to talk about himself. You can ask him follow up questions r statements like: “That sounds interesting, tell me more about that.” * Stay away from stressful topics, such as how much money you each make, how many kids you want, religion or politics * Just fake it. Act like you’re confident in yourself and you will look confident * You can drop a pen and slowly bend over to pick it up. This can make you appear just a bit naughty and attract attention * Address a guy by his name when you speak to him. Most people like to hear their own names * You can try the dumb blonde approach, even if you aren’t a blonde. Make him your hero. Just try not to overdo it * Don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back from a guy. Just keep flirting with other men. Someone will ask you out * Briefly touch his arm, back or shoulder with your hand. Pretend he has a piece of lint on his clothes and remove it * Wear skin tight clothes to show off your figure. Wear a bikini if you’re at the beach * Bite your lower lip as you look at a guy, lick your lips with your tongue. Leave your lips parted just a little bit * Lip gloss, mascara and a light eye shadow can help enhance your look as you try to attract a man * Shiny and sparkly accessories are good flirting accessories * Necklaces, earrings and rings all help to attract guys, but don’t overdo it * Flirt while commuting. Strike up a conversation with a guy on the train or bus in the morning as you go to work (or school). Flirt with a man on the commute home as well for a more relaxed atmosphere * Sporting events are a fun place to meet guys. Flirt with men who are on their way to the concession stands. Be discreet and be careful about distracting guys for too long during a game * Younger men are tunred off by older women who nag them and try to mother them. The guy already has a mother.

Pick up lines

You must be tired: you’ve been running through my mind all day * Can I buy you a drink? …In Tahiti * Let’s go behind that rock and get a little boulder * Would you like to come home with me to see my art collection? * Do you sleep on your stomach? (No) Can I? * When they created the alphabet they should have put “U” and ‘I” together * Is that a ladder up your stocking or a ladder to heaven? * Hi, my name is chance? Do I have one? * If you were the new McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous! * All those curves….and me with no brakes * Could you please step away from the bar. You’re melting all the ice * Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into that cheap motel room across the street * My name’s not Elmo, but you can tickle me anyway * I’m not really this tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet * If milk does a body good, you must drink a lot of it * I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw * Greetings and salivations * You look just like my 1st wife and I’ve never been married * Can I borrow a quarter? I’ve got to call your mom and thank her * Hi, I’m here. Now, what are your other two wishes? * Do you know what would look really good on you? Me * Gosh, I’d love to be your jeans * I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house? * How do you like your eggs? * I’ve lost my number. Can I borrow yours? * Should I call you in the morning, or just nudge you? * You remind me of a cappuccino: hot, sweet, and you make me nervous * Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date? * I’m invisible (really?) Can you see me? (yes) How about tomorrow night? * Let’s go to my place and do all the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway * If I told you that you had a hot body, would you hold it against me? * Are you a parking ticket? You’ve got fine written all over you * Falling for you would be a very short trip * I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I’ll still make your Bedrock * I’m an army recruiter. Why don’t you come over to my house and be all you can be * Save a horse, ride a cowboy * Would you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition? * I’ve just moved you to the top of my to-do list * Would you like a gin and platonic? Or a scotch and sofa? * Great dress. I do think it would look better on my floor * Is there a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can sure see myself in your pants * Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten I see * Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? * I’d buy you a drink, but they’re free * I can’t take you to heaven, but my private helicopter can get you close * Why don’t you drop the zero and get with a hero * Fortunately for you I’m more than just eye candy * Whoa, and I thought I was good looking! * If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, Id have a nickel * So, you’re the reason for global warming! * You make me want to get a job * Do you have a name or can I call you mine? * Did you hear the latest health report? You need to up your intake of vitamin me * Is that a fox on your shoulder, or am I seeing double? * You already have a boyfriend? Well, when you want to have a man-friend, come and see me * Kiss me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met somewhere before? * Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? * Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas? * Your body must be named visa, because its everywhere I want to be * Do you think I’m cute, or haven’t you had enough to drink yet? * “You make me want to be a better man,” Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets, 1997 * "I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all. So tell me why should it be true. That I kick out of you?" Cole Porter 1934 * Hello, I love you can you tell me your name? Hello I love you let me jump in your game (The Doors, 1968) * "If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain" (Rupert Holmes, “Escape” 1979) * "But did thee feel the earth move?" – Ernest Hemingway (For Whom the Bell Tolls, 1940) * “I want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees” Pablo Neruda, 1924 * “Hey Lady, want to lick my mail?” Bruce Willis, Moonlighting, 1985 * “Do me the favor to deny me at once” Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richards Almanac, 1746) * “Give me a kiss or I’ll sock you” John Garfield, (The Postman Always Rigns Twice 1946) * "You know I’m the one responsible for those crop circles in England” Jerry Seinfeld, 1990 * “We’re going to know each other eventually, so why not now” Humphrey Bogart (Across the Pacific, 1942) * “I’d like to run barefoot through your hair” Franchot Tone (Bombshell, 1933) * "You’re a swell dish. I think I’m gonna go for you” James Cagney (The Public Enemy, 1931) * "You’re so beautiful, it makes me want to gag” Jimmy Stewart (You can’t take it with you, 1938) * “How you doin?” Matt LeBlanc (Friends 1994) * “Hey Baby, I noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you too.” Will Smith (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire, 1990) * “Swoon, I’ll catch you” Ralph Fiennes The English Patient 1996) * “I may be the outlaw, but you’re the one stealin’ my heart” Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise 1991) * “Let me try to enlarge your vocabulary” Roger Moore (The Spy Who Loved Me 1977) * “Everything wrong with you I like” Van Johnson (A Guy Named Joe ,1944)

The Boyfriend donned their dapper make-up and apparel and pressed play on their boom box to begin. They marched out with posters depicting Elizabeth Taylor getting married at different stages of her life; she was the poster-girl for obvious reasons. They were bombastic, charming, and they punched up stereotypical homosexual traits by shaking their hips, generously gesticulatinghand gigglingmadlys while singing about this real and serious topic.

I've known Mark Simon, a member of the group, for a while now. He was the biggest supporter of my CoTour catalog a few years back. I wanted to support him by including his group in the wedding. I felt that it would have been cowardly not to address the equality issue when approaching the subject of marriage, and when he told me about this song they'd been practicing, I added The Boyfriend to the roster.

The song, duly appropriate, was "I just want to get married"

They were well into the song when I looked around the room and noticed a large disparity in moods. The side of the room with my friends, my family, Bec and Ruben's friends, and the artists were all delighted, laughing and clapping in support, but the side of the room where Bec and Ruben's families appeared visibly shaken, uncomfortable: not amused. This underscored the schism of the topic, and ushered another layer into the dynamic of this wedding, this art piece, this convergence of people. Not all of it would be harmonious. That's what made it more interesting, though I do feel badly that the families were confronted with something that was disconcerting for them on the day of the wedding. That said, generation gaps and discordant moral viewpoints exist and in every family there will be topics not seen eye-to-eye on. Never-the-less, in no time, the room boomeranged back to the celebration at hand.

Their statement:
“This was a musical salute to The Elizabeth Taylor 8 and the civil rights struggle of The Friends of Liz.”

*Tyler Hubby

Guests were ushered outside. As witnesses, we all signed the enlarged marriage certificate on the wall and as we walked out, we were met with the sound of rain. The sunlight was at a perfect pitch, catching and radiating the bits of mock rain from Skip Arnold's interpretation of the rice throwing act.

Guests in line to sign

photos by Tyler Hubby

It was as if Skip caught two slices of a downfall and set them in the midst of a clear day. The couple penetrated the first slice, or wall of rain. The rain came down on them like rice would, while their clear umbrella kept them dry from the barrage.

"It was meant as a moment of solitude, the first moment to themselves. There is something about falling water, it’s refreshing."
~Skip

photo by Tyler Hubby

photo by Terri Phillips

They entered in on the quiet corridor for a short private walk and strolled slowly to the second wall of water enjoying their moment alone, and then passed through it out into the sun, to the delighted throng of friends and family.   

photo by Tyler Hubby

Ruben hoisted Bec up onto the hood of the car to shimmy the garter down and off her thigh. This is a strange and somewhat lewd public act, simulating the intimacy the couple would soon share. George pumped up that metaphor with his pink satiny version of the garter, seemingly normal at first, an elasticized and puckered silk band adorned with a small pink pearl.

photo by Tyler Hubby

Ruben held it up for the crowd to see as he unzipped it slowly, revealing a billowing shiny vermillion flower of fabric unfurled out of the zipper. It was not a shy metaphor. He threw it out over the crowd and one fellow was the flower’s happy victor and captor.   

R&B’s Volvo had been decal-adorned and transformed by Joshua Callaghan into a simulation of an ice cream truck, replete with the chilly goods, as well as a boom box on the roof blaring a raucous soundtrack.

"I wanted to make their car into an ice cream truck. I think it is a romantic idea to run away in an ice cream truck. In some way too the ice cream truck is a small family business very typical of Los Angeles that relates to this new family enterprise. Lastly, everyone likes ice cream too, so I thought it would be a nice element to introduce to the event."
~Joshua

The audience was drawn into the cooler of treats, and gathered around the 'truck' to treat themselves to some ice cream well before dinner - a fun derivation from the norm. Obviously, it was a crowd pleaser. Bec and Ruben were driven around on a short and sweet joy ride by the best man, Ronnie Diaz, and maid of honor, Sara Cross, while the guests made their way back inside.

photos by Tyler Hubby

Photo by Rose Apodaca =====================

Once everyone was seated and buzzing after the resonant Wedding March, and the handing over of the soon to be bride, Joe Sola began his 'Sermon,' which was welcoming, dignified and warm. He is so at home with orating and performing that he made it look as graceful as Cary Grant making a martini...until...he stated he would at this point like to talk about a few things before they go forward...he leaves the fireplace and positions himself in front of an easel and  a pad of paper next to a small table with a pitcher of water and a glass on it. As he flipped the page to reveal the first of many pie charts, there was a chuckle from the congregation - everyone was rivited. The charts pictured statistics about married couples, the percentages of which experience troubles in various categories, like home repair, weight gain, or television watching time. There were some very serious topics covered in the charts, but his delivery and the intermingling of comic relief struck the perfect balance. He then took a very very long sip of water, which confused some and created an eerie silence.

It was then that something happened, a kerfuffle commenced as he caught his pants on the easel and began to stumble and fall grabbing at the table as he tumbled.

People gasped. The pitcher and the glass (both made of sugar glass) went flying and crashed and shattered as Joe stumbled into the isle. My father, a doctor by trade, had a look of panic on his face and began to rush forward to help Joe. I put out my arm to block him and whispered that it was all part of Joe’s plan. It took Dad a minute to process, but then he clicked over to amusement and started filming it all with fervor. Joe picked himself up, brushed himself off and eased right into talking about how life will present a married couple with little disasters, but that by being together, remaining open and true to each other, that Bec and Ruben will avoid becoming a statistic. It was such an elegant accident, surprising, shocking even, but then wrapped up so smoothly and most importantly, projecting a positive message. It far exceeded my idea of what his presentation would emit, and it certainly livened the room.

photos by Tyler Hubby

Joe's statement when asked about what he wanted to say about the piece he did for Get Hubbied: "Love"

What followed were the vows led by Joe and the ring exchange, which brought everyone back to focus on the couple and their union.

The ring box was opened to reveal the twig inside wearing the two rings on it's branches. William Stone created it out of a fallen branch - the knot of the branch became the lid, add the word appropriately holding inside the circular symbols of tying the knot.

photos by Tyler Hubby

photo by Bettina Hubby

Over the mantle were the portraits of Bec and Ruben. It was powerful to see images of them from the past in front of the present, as they promised each other a future together. It was also mysterious and surreal, since the image he picked of Ruben is from a carnival where he's picking up a deflated set of barbells, and the one of Bec looks almost exactly the same as she looks now, both painted in the same gray blue pallet to psychologically enjoin the images.

"Based on two very different photographs from their youth, this diptych was created to consider Bec and Ruben's histories, commonalities, and identities both as individuals and as a couple."
~Abel

photo by Tyler Hubby

The was mic was turned over to me and I welcomed everyone, directing their attention to the word written on a piece of Mylar in front of them. I knew that if I had spoken the words of thanks I wanted to speak to Bec, Ruben, their parents, my family, my friends, Tif, and so many more, to express my gratitude for all of their faith, work, and open-mindedness, that my waterproof mascara certainly would have been put to the test. So I wrote those thoughts and split them up into singular words so that each guest, in succession, around the tables and throughout the room, would speak them for me. Everyone had fun with this way of orating. It was so special for me to have those responsible for allowing me to fulfill this vision-- these friends, families, artists, and of course, the couple-to-be the ones to lend the voice for my thoughts. I quote myself:

“This is my love letter to you Bec and Ruben: my platonic serenade, my one hundred and twenty something guest spoken bear hug. Words like: thank you and I love you seem too pale and lacking in the kind of heart, color, life and laughter you both have brought to my life and this project. But I DO.  You are the reason GET HUBBIED got to get to be. You and your brave and open-minded families have allowed me to lead you into your marriage through art. I am grateful beyond words so I thought if I could get this conglomeration of a congregation to speak it would emote  better. We will all witness your marriage and GET HUBBIED today. Our merger created this, and this is just the beginning.”

To sit and write about the summation of this incredible venture feels like an impossible endeavor. So many layers are compacted in my memory like a greek filo pastry, an overwhelming amalgam of people, actions, feelings and facts that coexisted on this tremendous day. I've decided to write in parts, so I can focus on the details of those elementals.      

Well, before the official 4pm start time, I saw people pouring out of their cars in their spiffy duds. Butterflies were atop my glee mixed with a dose of fear. When I arrived, Dad, Bolyn, and Mom were already getting people involved, leading people to find the books with their names on them, then to enjoy  a cocktail and to pluck off a program from the wall of crystalline forms, by Olivia Primé.

photo by Tyler Hubby

photos by Rose Apodaca

Each crustacean-like structure had brightly colored foils inside cupping a tiny vellum scroll attached by a jeweled bead, like a futuristic oyster shell. The program itself unfurled like a long lost crumpled parchment. There was a large laminated version on hand for people to reference, and magnifying glasses on all the tables. It was a wonderfully intriguing way to begin.

photo by Tyler Hubby

photo by Rose Apodaca

In the small room, which was the lounge and exhibit, I was proud to have my sister's photographs enlarged and on view. They really created the affection-filled atmosphere needed to warm the room, and to tie everything together. The pictures were ones she took when we went on a trip to Europe together a few years back.

photos by Rose Apodaca

Once everyone was seated, Dave Jones and Kelly Martin began their composition called, “Fall to her: rush to him. On this day we’ll have our ways.” The introduction of sound was like a modern roundly toned bell choir. Dave announced that when prompted, people should utilize the toy instruments already placed on their tables. The composition opened up and was infective and lilting. People chimed in with increasing fervor, and the cacophony of sounds became like a thunder of musical applause - joyous barely captures the mood.

their statement:
"For the two part wedding march, “Fall to Her, Rush to Him,” Kelly and David started with the inspiration of a line from the lyrics of Bec and Ruben's favorite song, “Winter's Love,” by Animal Collective, along with the sound of the oars on the Venice (CA) canal from their proposal video; the groove of Part I, the lyrics and the procession of Part II for the bride waltzed in behind swimmingly."

photo by Rose Apodaca

The tune shifted to signal the bride’s entrance, and a romantic song with a dash of country began; Dave and Kelly’s voices harmonized with a lulling sweet twang. Bec and her father, Gary Ulrich, walked arm in arm, beeming through the admiring throng to the hearth. The best man, Ronnie Diaz, and maid of honor, Sara Cross, supported the hearth’s action from its edge.

photos by Tyler Hubby

photo by Rose Apodaca

The hearth consisted of a pristine and immaculate circle of fine silver glitter laid on the ground with a delicate strand of broken sparkling glass above, creating a true romance out of humble materials. Terri used the finest grain of glitter so throughout the night, as the guests moved about the space, the glitter was walked upon, shuffled and spread throughout the celebration - the center of the wedding would eventually touch each and every guest. The children did the most to help this aim by rolling in it with their whole selves, and hugging a fair amount of us.

"The hearth is a circle of silver glitter on the floor that the couple walk into to exchange their vows. A string of broken silver glass hangs listening above."
~Terri

Gary affectionately passed Bec to Ruben for safe keeping. Dave and Kelly liltingly sang out again with the verse, "Fall to him, rush to her, on this day we'll have our way," repeated just a few times, leaving us wanting more, though it was the appropriate time to focus on the marriage at hand.

This program was written painstakingly in her extraordnary handwriting - the smallest, tightest and most ornate handwriting I've ever seen.

And to give you a closer view of the text:

~Gary & Kathy Ulrich, Jesse & Gracie Diaz and Bettina Hubby are honored to welcome you to the wedding of Bec Ulrich & Ruben Diaz, under the very special care of Get Hubbied

Enjoy the exhibition and cocktail lounge where you will be greeted by Barbara Gillespie and Bolyn Hubby Smith and given the Program by Olivia Primé. Take your book (for later) by Bettina Hubby (AKA, BH). On view will be the Architectural drawing by Barbara Bestor Advertisement Design by Mike Slack Invitation Design by Cal Clements and BH

Kate Mayfield & Ade Ratna collaborated on the Table Settings and Aesthetics.

Gordon Bowen made the wine glass holders (masterfully bent forks) Tyler Hubby is the Photographer Video is by Tif Sigfrids, backed by George Porcari The Consultant for the event’s structure is Miguel Nelson

Guests will be called in to find their seat

Wedding March is titled, "Fall to her, rush to him: On this day we’ll have our ways,” by David Jones & Kelly Marie Martin. Gary Ulrich will hand the bride over to Ruben. The Best Man is Ronnie Diaz and Maid of Honor is Sara Cross Garments for the Bride and the Groom are by Bec Ulrich

Sermon is by Joe Sola

Devotional/word/poem by BH Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, by Kahn & Selesnick

The vows take place on the Hearth by Terri Phillips Bec and Ruben’s Portraits above the mantle are by Abel Baker Gutierrez. ###The ring exchange takes place with Ring Vessel by William Stone. "Cheat sheet vows” inside the garments: BH

Bec & Ruben ascend to their balcony retreat, created by Alison Kudlow & Daveed Kapoor titled, "Silver Carpet: A Sanctuary for Lovers.”

Guests rise and gather outside to view the Rice Throwing by Skip Arnold Car Decoration by Joshua Callaghan. Garter by George Stoll

Dinnertime! Your DJ beckoning you back inside is Joe Williams You will be called in once more to find your seat. The Seating Charts for the dinner are by Christopher James

The trio, "The Boyfriend," Chris Kuhrt, Stephen Schilling and Mark Simon, will perform "I Want to Get Married" when the couple have been seated.

Blessing of meal and marriage by Gary Ulrich, who will also lead the toast. Goblets by Roger Herman Guests may offer their Toasts at this time.

The Marriage Certificate (clone) will come around to the tables for all to sign. Backdrop for guest portraits by Michele O'Marah will be available for a two hour window after dinner.

“The Ballad of Bec and Ruben”, by Samo Hurt, AKA David G.A. Stephenson is presented as the meal is coming to an end, followed by a song by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Time for a couple of choice songs, the first dance being one of them, then a little more dancing The Cake by Karen Lofgren ###Bouquet toss by BH

Dancing resumes.

As you leave, please make sure you’ve signed the Guest Book, by Gerald Davis Get your Favor by Ed Ruscha. One per invitation.

We hope you've had the time of your lives during the time of our lives!

xxx Bec & Ruben and Get Hubbied

Gordon Bowen, an artist and co-founder (with Kate) of the Arts Refoundary, made the candle mounts out of forks; they are astoundingly ornate, and served beyond their purpose since they are each so unique and are nothing less than stand-alone art works. The candles were set into wine glasses covered in texts. It was Kate's idea to use shredded bits of romance novels collaged onto glasses to light the walls, tables, and shelves. I spent many an evening with glue, scissors, wine glasses and saucy paperbacks - a different twist on a lady spending nights alone with wine and romance novels.

www.Metalcastkits.com, www.artsrefoundry.com

photos by Rose Apodaca ======================

Kate is a writer, editor and designer, but she's also an expert in creating atmosphere. Any event I ever attended at her home always had whimsey and inventiveness in the decorative elements. Kate has a way of bringing disparate things together so that they seem inextricably and pleasingly linked. She's accepted the large task of addressing overall aesthetics for the wedding, added with the challenge of incorporating a floral element without using any real flowers. She enlisted the graphic design talents of Ade Ratna, who will replace the typical flower centerpiece using her more than clever devices. In a big event like this, with so many artists and different points of view, it is important to have someone help to ink it together so that there's a visual cohesion and grace to the evening.

www.cargocollective.com/aderatna 

photo by Rose Apodaca
=====================

I wanted to speak my own toast to the couple through the voices of all the guests. I was going to just write each word on the butcher paper in front of each seat, but Kate conceived of the small pictorial transparencies for Ade to design that each word would be written on. They served as place settings and tied together the imagery from the centerpiece and the napkin rings. They also solved a myriad of other issues to tedious to mention.

• I took over take out the word in bw the role of flowers, to develop a concept for the bouquet toss, and add Kate bwMayfield found Ade Ratner to aid by desiging the table runner add and place settings bwas a substitue for flora beyond the bouquet.
  

Ade designed the table runners based on my idea to have the flora of the wedding constructed out of paper for the guests to color in throughout the meal. She also designed the small napkin holders that corresponded to the runners. In doing so, the rendered "flowers" would collectively "bloom" over time. The gesture served to spark interaction among everyone in a fun and engaging way, while creating something charming and beautiful for the couple to keep as a memento. Ade graphically worked in personal and meaningful symbols relating to Bec and Ruben using a coloring book, reminiscent of the style of her design.

photo by Tyler Hubby ====================

photo by Rose Apodaca
=====================

an image from the recreation of the table setting at The Center for the Arts, photo by Hubby
=====================

With Bec and Ruben one week into their newfound roles as husband and wife we've finally had the chance to let this whole Get Hubbied experience begin to sink in. It's difficult to begin to describe something two years in the making that was over in six hours, especially when those six hours were filled with so many fun, funny, heartwarming, poignant, and outright beautiful moments. For the most part I was behind a video camera trying to capture them the best I could (videos forthcoming) but there are a few observations that I'd like to make before the images start rolling in.

It has been so gratifying to see this vision of Bettina's come to life and I really can't express the joy I had in sharing it with my close friends Bec and Ruben and their wonderful families. Bettina's family was also here to help and to witness the occasion for which we owe them many thanks. I was so impressed with the thoughtfulness of the artist's work as this was coming together and to see it presented in the midst of this real life wedding ceremony made more of an impact then any of us could have imagined. The resonance of each piece truly inspired all of the guests to contemplate exactly what was happening and to think about marriage in a more enlivened way.

I want to take this space to congratulate Bettina and express admiration for following such an unprecedented vision through. This was no easy task, but it was carried through with ease and I can't count the number of people who told me that it was the best wedding they've ever been to. I wholeheartedly agree and feel so glad to have been a part of it. Congratulations Bettina and here's to you Bec and Ruben. ~Tif

Rice throwing piece by Skip Arnold Photo by Tyler Hubby

I am without the proper words to describe how it all transpired. It reminds me of what my Dad would always tell me when I was young: be careful not to take words for granted - to think about why you are saying things such as, “I'm sorry,” “I love you,” or “thank you.” I think about this now as I try to find words to describe the culmination of this adventure. I try to find words beyond what you'd expect to hear, and I am still at a loss. Suffice it to say for now, that it was remarkable to see the artists, my family, Bec and Ruben and their families, my close friends who helped pull this off, all in the same place cementing this wedding and event as affectionate fact. It was beyond measure, and strange, wondrous, artful and emotional intersections occurred.   

Most of my days and evenings for many many weeks have been preparing in some way or another for the wedding. My aim was to have my main list items done by the time my family arrived to help the week before. I thought I could impress them with my organization and planning acumen and then have time left over to show them a good time. I am apt to make things slightly (cough cough) more detailed and time consuming than they really need to be. There are certain details I planned that had to be let go for the sake of my family's sanity and also my own. For example, did I really need to make hanging mobiles of 'I DOs' two days before the wedding to adorn the bathrooms? No.

We were all focused and hard at work the day of install, which was the day of the wedding! I tried to maintain a positive air of frivolity and it worked for the most part. It all came together stupendously considering we only had that morning and early afternoon to do everything since there was a wedding at the Center the night before (X&Y’s eerily enough). Every hour Dad - lightening the mood but also intensifying it -  would proclaim how much time we had left: “3 hours left people! only 2 hours left now everyone!”  Kate Mayfield, Gordon Bowen, Joe Williams, Bolyn, Mom, Dad, and Tif were focused intently on trying to make it all work helping wherever needed. We even snagged some of the artists to help when they came to drop things off: Skip Arnold, Terri Phillips, Karen Lofgren - all saints. Bolyn had a huge job to get the photos blown up that she’d taken and affixed to the large rolling walls. They all were over-worked and there's no true way for them to fathom the depth of my appreciation for their help - an A-team.

At some point you just have to let things go, because the wedding was going to happen, and some details will be unfinished or relinquished.

Bec and Ruben were a little nervous to meet Barbara in person, since they were already such big fans of her work. We all fell into a really comfortable exchange, a nice dialogue which would not have lasted so long had we not been having such a great time. This was a good sign!

I had approached Barbara about the project, with the architectural aspects of it in mind, after re-reading Thomas Bernhard's ‘Correction’. Its not a 'date book,' like Fatal Attraction is not a ‘date movie.' I wasn't interested in re-capuring its tone. Rather, I was interested in approaching the idea of a house psychologically, the way the protagonist approached building a house for his sister. The main character, Roithamer, was obsessed with his sister, and set out on a project to capture her essence as a building, to depict her soul as architecture.

The main character, Roithamer, was a touch obsessed with his sister, and set out on a project to capture her essence as a building, to get her soul down as architecture. It didn't bode well for the character of the sister in the book since the mere sight of the building was too much for her brain to cope with - too much sight into self, but again, this is not the point. Barbara and I talked about capturing the essence of a couple as architecture - a psychological portrait of Bec and Ruben as a house...however loosely or directly she would want to deal with that idea.

Barbara and I talked about capturing the essence of a couple through architecture - a psychological portrait of Bec and Ruben as a house, however loosely or directly she would want to manifest that idea. An amazing writer, though not jolly - Bernhard’s mastery of rhythm and subtle shift in topic is like a wave hitting the sand over and over again that you don’t even realize the topic is changing.

Barbara interviewed Bec and Ruben about their relationship and history in a pleasant but thorough way. A couple of days ago, Barbara sent us images as an entryway into her thoughts about her approach to the project. These are a few of what she shared.  

Larry Eisenberg New York City September 15th, 2011

Getting Hubbied is really worthwhile, I-Doing puts 2 on the aisle, Hubbied for sixty years, My lovely spouse fears Getting Hubbied is now out of style.

http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/15/seeing-things-getting-hubbied/

click here for her pre-thoughts on Get Hubbied

There's no way to express the sadness and shock that ensued at learning that we were sabotaged, within minutes of achieving Get Hubbied's goal for the 10 K fundraising effort, to pay the artists for their work. Imagine that, a group show that pays the artists. That's what I was trying to do.

Someone who called him/herself Roy Roosevelt took back his/her 1K pledge 5 minutes before the deadline. They were able to rescind it so that we lost all pledges thus far. Kickstarter has no protection for this sad turn of events. I think this needs altering. I'm unearthed by the cruelty an individual can impart. But I'm a weeble, and they wobble, but they don't fall down.

Onward forward

With the big day glaring at us from our calendars and screaming, "Hey, I'm only two weeks away!" we started getting serious... buckling down... pouring over the program and pulling out the stopwatch. People call this crunch time, but I've never really liked that expression. Though we're packing a lot into each day, I think we're still managing to have fun and find humor in things. (A glass of wine here or there helps) This past week has been packed with meetings, Barbara Bestor, Joshua Callaghan, Joe Sola, Karen Lofgren and suddenly I'm on the phone all the time with a woman named Alexandra whose making the cake. There have been so many events to blog about, but I thought this space could be better used for comic relief... keep things on the lighter side.

Check out this video! We can only hope something like this doesn't happen on the big day for Get Hubbied (in fact we can almost guarantee it won't since there won't be a body of water anywhere near where our ceremony will be taking place) but we know if there was some sort of wedding folly we'd take it in stride, because that's how we do things here at HubbyCO.

xotif

When I met William he owned and operated William Dailey Rare Books, on Melrose Avenue (which now exists as an extensive and impressive online bookshop instead of brick and mortar establishment); we befriended each other, and it stuck, to my continued delight. I've been lucky enough to have escaped a couple of time to the oasis he renovated in Desert Hot Springs called the Hacienda Hot Springs. He’s generously gifted the couple with a three night stay at his inn the week after the wedding so they can soak and revel. R&B were absolutely thrilled, since they hadn’t had sufficient time or resources to plan a getaway that is so vital after all this build-up and production.

click here

Today Tif and I visited Roger Herman. I'd worked for Roger, indirectly, when I worked at Black Dragon Society years ago. He and Hubert Schmalix, the owners of the gallery, were quite the dynamic duo; conversations about anything with the two of them were always provocative. They were the first, or one of the first galleries to open in Chinatown - pilgrims of that art scene.

His paintings covered the wall of his studio and the imagery was both brutal and joyful. He'd finished the goblets. They are beautiful, emotive and whimsical, aggressive, and quiet, etc.. He was working on a book project with Laura Owens, and as I gathered he only needed 20 images for the project at most and there was a tsunami of imagery that will be whittled to a chosen few.

To slightly diverge from the path, I would like to mention my admiration of the structure of Roger's own relationship. The literal architecture of it reminds me of Diego Riviera and Frieda Kahlo who had two separate houses connected by a corridor. It didn't work so well for them due to who knows how many complications (some known), but I am inspired by the arrangement and think it would work perfectly for many, but especially for me. Roger and Aika have two houses that are connected; they each are the king, and queen respectively. Its important to maintain individuality in a relationship, and in this way they come together as individuals, and have their own environments to escape to, work in, and be alone in. My admiration and advertisement of this arrangement is subjective, I realize.

R&B, Tif and I met Michele at The Center for the Arts. There was a rock n' roll show that was commencing when we got there, so we scuttled into the kitchen, shut the door, and talked over the now muffled din of guitar and amplifier. You never know what you'll encounter if you drop in at the Center - it could be kid's yoga, films, noise baths, lectures, animation, art and crafts - they embrace it all.  ave landed here.

We initially thought it might be interesting to have the backdrop for guests portraits take place in the elevator. The guests would get in with Michele’s vibrant backdrop behind them, and be transported to the basement. The door would then open and the camera would flash at that unaware moment. I do love that idea, but when Michele began talking about using the main large window as her stage, and also as the backdrop for the photos, the idea became more natural and cohesive. That prominant window wasn't being utilized in the least, and Michele will take it over as it begins to get dark outside. The imagery she'll be working with will be projected so that a colorful and potent illumination will be the focus for that room. I want the guests to be engaged with each other throughout the day and into the night. People will be looking on as others are being photographed and this will inspire much conversation and participation.

www.micheleomarah.com

I asked Geoff last week if there was any way he could/would mention the project in his online art column to help get some support. I was touched that his post this week was devoted to GET HUBBIED in his characteristically knowledgeable and charming voice. He sees more art and is devoted to it more than most people I know. So, a little mutual appreciation club is formed here and now.

For his Notes on Looking this week click here

The LA Gallery, The Country Club, will be housing a show about the infamous couple who's unique, controversial, powerful, and to some, disturbing approach to their art and their relationship resonate to this day.

I remember meeting Flanagan in NY at the New Museum show where he was laid out in a makeshift hospital room inside the museum, suffering in the late stages of cystic fibrosis, but in character, sharing his physical inclinations and suffering as art. All visitors to the show were invited to go in and talk to him about anything they wished. I went into the room, and there he was with tubes coming out of him, a respirator, and all the medical accoutrements that accompanied his condition. I began chatting with him. He welcomed my naive questions and made me feel comfortable to talk about whatever came to mind. He told me of the first time he acted on his compulsion to be controlled/constricted. When he was a child he used to crawl into the washing machine wrapped in a blanket and stay there for inordinate periods of time. It calmed him. He found, much later in life, a mate in Sheree who was the perfect ying to his yang. He spoke of his relationship with such reverence but also with a clarity and intellect that made his, what were to me severe choices, illuminated.

Here is the press release to this show:

Country Club | Los Angeles is pleased to present The Wedding of Everything, an exhibition of sculpture, photographs, installation, and video by Bob Flanagan and Sheree Rose. The exhibit highlights Flanagan’s groundbreaking resume of performance and visual art, as well as Flanagan and Rose’s collaboration as artists and as life partners. The Wedding of Everything offers a rare opportunity to view seminal work by one of the founding fathers of body and performance art, punctuated by landmark sculptures not seen since Flanagan and Rose’s museum survey Visiting Hours at the Santa Monica Museum of Art in 1992, followed by the New Museum in 1994. Major works include Flanagan’s “Gurney of Nails”, “Waiting Room”, and “Child’s Playroom”, all created in 1992.

The title The Wedding of Everything comes from a book of poems Flanagan published by Sherwood Press in 1983, featuring the poem of the same name. This piece will be integrated with objects in the exhibition. The cover of the book is a photograph of Flanagan throwing a bouquet into the air just as the flowers are leaving his hand. As with other works by Flanagan and Rose, The Wedding of Everything acts as a metaphor for the mixtures of themes in their work and lives: beautiful poetry mixed with S&M imagery; the celebration of life touched with the reality of death; people loving and working together to celebrate existence.

An artist, poet, performer, writer, and musician, Bob Flanagan was born in New York City in 1952 and moved to Los Angeles in 1958. He graduated from Costa Mesa High School, and received his BA from Long Beach State University. In the 1980’s and early 1990’s he helped popularize a style of performance that is now known as endurance art. He suffered from cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that typically kills before adulthood. Bob was said by doctors to be one of the longest-living survivors, passing away at age 43. Flanagan attributed his ability to manage the pain and prolong his life by adhering to his credo “fight pain with pain.” Working with his partner and dominatrix, Sheree Rose, Flanagan explored ritualized pain as a means to absorb the punishment of the disease and to find a space that could bring a measure of peace.

Sheree Rose was born in Los Angeles, CA. She obtained her Master’s degree in psychology in the late 70’s, and was extremely involved in political activism and The Women’s Movement. She and Flanagan met at a Halloween party in 1980 and began collaborating in life and on artwork. She received a second Masters Degree in Studio Art from UCI. Since Flanagan’s death, she has exhibited new work “Bobaloon” in Tokyo, Japan, as well as other works at The Tate in London. She created a performance piece entitled “Nailed Again” at Arizona State University and Galapagos in New York. Rose continues to explore and collaborate with performance artists and recently performed in London with artist Martin O’Brien. A video of this piece will be screened as well.

I saw a film many years ago, Normal, about a man in a rural town who was married with kids. He worked in a very stereotypical man-centric factory. He began to have a conflict of nature, and couldn’t handle a minute more without revealing to his wife that he was a woman trapped in his male body. He'd always felt female, but his life, other people's expectations and the hardship of going against those expectations kept him from revealing his true self. As we all know, a small lie becomes a bigger, thicker darker lie, and much harder to unravel over time. With a wife, two kids, and a macho job he began cracking at the seams. He had to break out. There was heartbreak, but he and his wife stayed married!

The scenes depicting him wearing make-up and earrings to work as he made his transistion were searingly painful to witness. His friends and coworkers rejected him and made fun of him out of their own weakness and fear. He still loved his wife, did not want to be with men, but  urgently needed to become more of a she than a he, otherwise he couldn't continue living. It was dire that he become the gender he profoundly felt he was meant to be.

His wife fell apart, but soon found the strength to support him. Though gut wrenching for both of them, they remained married throughout the cosmetic phase of him dressing as a woman, to him becoming more of one physically through surgery. As a family, they stuck together throughout the confusion, and their children eventually came to accept it. If anyone complains about having a difficult hurdle or hurdles in their marriage, I would ask them to consider this with utter empathy, and to be in awe of this kind of love.

click here

click here
Thanks again to cousin Tyler for the link

This past week was chock full of solitude and its opposite. I met with Skip Arnold at the CFA to go over his progress and veerings. He needs someone to help him construct the apparatus with which he will activate the action of his 'rice throw' and I say rice throw loosely.

He has a back-up plan, but I must say, it strays quite far from his personality and working style, so that I hardly recognize it as his...but that's not to say its not a good idea. Its very romantic. Its up to him.

Michele O'Marah and I met the next day at the site. Originally it was talked about that she might use the basement and elevator to stage her portrait studio. After walking through with her though, the more interesting it became to have her in the center of the action - an after dinner interactive activity. I liked the idea of the guests going to the basement to have their picture taken, but right in front of the main window her powerfully lit backdrop would up the atmosphere as it gets darker.

Mark Simon came over to my studio and showed me a DVD of The Boyfriend performing two numbers. This musical group, comprised of Chris Kuhrt, Stephen Schilling and Mark Simon, have sung together for years. When he brought up the idea a year or so ago, I knew that this trio of gay gentleman singing "I just want to get married,” would be a powerful addition to our group. It would lend balance and address the very real very sad issue at hand, that gay people in LA can’t be legally married, yet. I felt that it would have been irresponsible not to address gay marriage when working on this project.

I selected Joshua Callaghan to do a piece about the car decoration for many reasons, but I was particularly inspired by his sculpture in which he constructed a full size car out of Victorian style domestic objects, lamps and furniture. I was also interested in his decal project commissioned by Los Angeles’ printed art project, Public Art. In this work, he applied digitally printed adhesive decals to urban electricity boxes throughout the city. Their imagery depicts the landscape that is hidden behind and camouflages the unsightly boxes, transforming the environment into a piece of art. He gives us an imagined view of what we would see if the boxes were absent. The fix gap bwdecals were coated to prevent graffiti and distress on their surface so that their vibrant imagery will remain seamlessly uninterrupted.

Initially, I thought it might be interesting for him do a photographic decal version of a Just Married car to put on the couple's own car, but he took that concept and turned it into a far more interesting and participatory idea. He conceived of transforming the wedding car into an ice cream truck. Once Bec and Ruben were involved, he only had to take some measurements of their car to begin the process. The finished truck was truly imaginative and celebratory.

Bec and I met with Chris. After touring around his chalky waxy surf and map-littered studio, we sat drinking pink lemonade. Our conversation took place around his work and while not speaking about it directly, it left many impressions. Strewn and stacked, the remodeled surfboards, sanded and monumental, had a casual quality, a confidence that said it was art without trying to say it was art. Passionate for hiking, painting, surfing, climbing, mapping, sculpting, writing and charting, he fearlessly combines all of these elements into his work. Chris is captivatingly intelligent without pretense, as he has a way of welcoming you into his complexities with such friendliness. It was all a solid armature for the conversation we had about the wedding's seating chart while overlooking the garden.

Chris wondered how important it would be for Bec and Ruben to have control over seating arrangements. The conversation evolved from no, its not important, to well, it is somewhat important. That is, for the family to be able to witness the ceremony together - to share those moments that will surely outlast the day. He's got the backbone of a plan in place for the way the charts fit together, not unlike a puzzle, will be the way to discover where a guest would sit.

Bec came up with a brilliant solution preserving the strength of Chris' idea while the family could witness the core ceremony together. There will be two seatings. The ceremony seating will have the family's spots demarcated, while the dinner seating will be completely in Chris' care mixing the friends and families together.

www.themodelingagency.net

on the day

When guests were ushered back inside from the car decoration ice-cream fest, the room chirped with a heightened energy as people were told to look at their puzzle piece and compare and fit them together with other guests to find their seat. It was a bit ambitious to rally all those people into doing this with their ice-cream buzz on, so Chris got up and further explained how it all worked. Once a group had completed a whole puzzle, they made up that dinner table. As there were varying egrees of patience in the crowd and an escalated sense of urgency about eating, many people didn’t complete the puzzle and sat where they liked. The whole event got people talking to each other and it cross-pollinated the crowd in an exciting way, so I considered it a great success. Plus, the image was truly special since it was a drawing Chris’s daughter had made. The puzzle itself was die-cut by the city-loved (certainly Hubby-loved) family run business, Aardvark letterpress.

Some people just surprise you in the best of ways. Here is the post Asuka did when she received her invitation in the mail: click here

Bike It: Portraits of my Bicipandilla by Kelly Marie Martin August 18, 2011 – October 2, 2011, Curated by Irene Tsatsos
145 North Raymond Avenue, Pasadena, CA 91103-3921

Please support our esteemed, co-wedding march composer, Kelly Marie Martin
Bike It: Portraits of my Bicipandilla by Kelly Marie Martin features black-and-white photographic portraits, taken with a 4x5 camera, of riders in her “bicipandilla,” or bicycle gang, with their bikes.

Here's a quote from the LA Weekly article: "Bicycle gangs are nothing new. I was the leader of the Hills Angels when I was a kid. We didn’t do anything sinister. We just played "Yakety Sax" loud on our ghetto blasters and rode really fast in a straight line. Artist Kelly Marie Martin, on the other handlebar, has collected a series of her black-and-white photographic portraits of riders in her bicipandilla, or bicycle gang. The images were taken with a nice big 4x5 camera — the bulky kind with the bellows formerly used to catch images of Old West outlaws on their way to oblivion."

Here are a few pics of Bec and Ruben meeting Kelly at her show, as well as her husband Ben, who is generously donating the beer for the wedding. Oh, the beer conversation was way above my head, but let's just say there's going to be a lot of Ben's beer being well appreciated at this wedding.

Again, I was thrilled to witness the instant camaraderie between Bec, Ruben, Kelly and Ben. The show was warm and inviting, and the portraits revealed a community, a lot of them at the opening, who bond over one thing. Its a stronger community than I'd imagined, and all the people featured had a strong air about them - that they are grounded to the earth, literally, more than most.

Here's the link to the LA Weekly article: click here

click here to download the Press Release

We are all of two minds, we just hope to collide with others, whose other mind isn't like oil and water to our other mind. Its not easy, and there is no formula to prevent chaos, but this article is poignant re: how one reacts to any one thing - the choices we make that make things either really difficult, or easier, but we have to take a feather off of our own peacock tail in order to do so, which I know, is not easy. I am a Taurus, and I hear, we are stubborn.
click here

Waiting for Brainard" is a short movie based on "The Bakery Girl of Monceau" by Eric Rohmer (1963)

This past Monday, Art Catalogues and Dagny Corcoran at LACMA presented: George Porcari, and Tif Sigfrids as they screened their collaborative film "Waiting for Brainard." following the original Rohmer film, but not before a comfortably long popcorn and wine break. The room was full of beanbags and little camping stools. The friendliness this created immediately made it more intimate instead of formal and dry, as some screenings and panel discussions can be. I know you know what I'm talking about.

Tif and George took the Rohmer film and did a gender and location switch, with a smattering of content revision. It was set in Silver Lake, an area I am well acquainted with since I have lived there for 11 years. The narrator was Hedi El Kholti, and his voice served as the (very French) main character's internal monologue, the main character being Tif. It was fascinating to see the two films back to back, since so much was changed, but the backbone of text remained the same while the man's voice was still a man's voice but the main character was a woman whose thoughts were projected by Hedi's characteristic sensual drawl. Very disconcerting and affective. Here is Hedi flanked by two very attractive women:

Here is a synopsis of the original Rohmer film from criterion.com: *Simple, delicate, and jazzy, the first of the “Moral Tales” shows the stirrings of what would become the Eric Rohmer style: unfussy naturalistic shooting, ironic first-person voice-over, and the image of the “unknowable” woman. A law student with a roving eye and a large appetite stuffs himself full of sugar cookies and pastries daily in order to garner the attentions of the pretty brunette who works in a quaint Paris bakery. But is he truly interested, or is she just a sweet diversion? *

In Tif and George's version the man was a woman, the pastries were Kombucha's, a popular health tonic, and Paris was Silver Lake. It was funny and thought provoking. I'd remembered the Rohmer character as unfeeling and cruel from when I'd seen it a while back. The Silver Lake version seemed so much more friendly and not as mean. Seeing the Rohmer again that night I realized the reason I remembered it as cruel was that the main character was very physically forceful on the object of his whims, the bakery girl. Tif's character was persistent, but not physical at all, and smiling much of the time. And here is George standing near a foreigner:

gallery/images/L1000902.jpg)

It was a spirited event, and I think people really connected to the motivations of the filmmakers. It was followed by a discussion between the filmmakers and Russell Ferguson, Chair of the Art Department at UCLA. Here is a picture of Russell, Tif and Hedi after the screenings:

Cast: Hedi El Kholti Tif Sigfrids Bradney Evans Kate Wolf Christopher Michael Stewart

music by Chris Stroffolino

http://www.youtube.com/wat?ch?v=1F4H3OH78sQ

This past Saturday HubbyCo had the pleasure of attending the first official celebration in the train of celebrations leading up to the blow-out celebration at the end of September.

Tif was in charge of entertainment for the evening that began with an abbreviated six question live version of the Newlywed Game. A highlight was Bec’s response “Sigur Ros” to the question of which movie star Ruben would choose to be married to. The audience was stunned that Ruben would want to wed an entire band of Icelandic musicians.

Artist George Porcari who was in attendance filming the event, commented later that it was the best wedding shower he had ever been too, “Like the last scene in Minnie and Moscowitz.” This said in reference to the barefoot dancing in the lawn during a set of music performed by Tif and Oakland based musician, Chris Stroffolino.

looking back

Last weekend the GET HUBBIED team met Ed at Aardvark Letterpress to oversee the production of the favors. Aardvark has been nestled in the MacArthur Park neighborhood of Los Angeles since 1968. The press was founded by Luis Ocon and all of the letterpress printing is performed on-site by Luis, his sons Brooks and Cary, and their lead pressman, Oscar Gomez.   

We were rewarded to see the first finished favor come off the press after a two-step process that involved first di-cutting a couple of choice words into a thick piece of recycled paper. Bill Berkuta was our masterful and patient pressman in charge of this project. He's been in the business for 40 years (and counting); he took great care with every single piece of paper, (though its hard to call it that due to its object meatiness) and due to the thickness and variance of each sheet, it took patience. Every couple/individual/family invited to the wedding will get one of these gems, and one of them will be in the exhibition opening the 2nd week of October.   Once again, Ruscha pulls through with a witty punch line, while at the same time giving us pause to think about the absurd reality and haunting reverberance of words.   People left and right are getting married, but we're certain here at HubbyCo, that the celebration we've concocted around the exchange of words is going to be the most special of the 5918 other ceremonies that are predicted to take place on the same day: September 25th. The whole journey is special, such as working with artists like Ed, but also getting to work with people like those at Aardvark and to be momentarily immersed into worlds otherwise off our radar.

www.gagosian.com/artists/ed-ruscha

on the day

I wracked my brain as to how to best present these auspicious favors. After all this work and collaborating with such a fellow, I wanted it to be the perfect casement. I had a revelation which was to go the opposite direction from packaging them in a high-brow kind of way, and to put them in something non-descript and generic, which Ed loved: a brown paper lunch bag. Each of the favors slipped into a bag as a perfect fit and as guests were leaving they were handed their sack. Every guest and artist, and participant, helper etc. got one of these subtly-cloaked gems.

Click here for the article Congrats to Abel! Go see the show! Its up until August 27th.

Luis De Jesus Los Angeles, 2525 Michigan Ave., F2, Santa Monica, (310) 453-7773, Closed Sun. and Mon. www.luisdejesus.com

I am fortunate to be related to Tyler by blood (my father’s father is his father’s father’s brother) but lucky also to have worked with him on creative endeavors, seeing that he is not only a film editor, filmmaker and photographer of merit, but also with his own hubby, Gabriella Tollman, he is forging a side business of event photography, weddings being a focus of that venture.       Bec and Ruben showed him images of their clans and he made them comfortable with his approach to this project, which put their needs and respect for their families at the forefront. They will get the full-monty of wedding photography with the supreme benefit of having an artist interpret it for them. I have asked Tyler to edit the resulting photos for the exhibition that follows the wedding, so that the edit is his art. This way, the family wins, the couple wins, and GET HUBBIED wins. Win win win.  

tylerhubby.com, www.fotorealists.com

In a recent story coming out of Southern France, a very young bride to be was kidnapped and said to have gone missing for several days. Witnesses gave accounts of seeing her being lead away from a park and into a BMW by a companion associated with the abduction. The kidnapping became a national news story and sightings of this bride to be were reported from places as far away as Switzerland and Belgium. In the end her family confessed to having been a part of the kidnapping, a Chechen wedding tradition that involves a groom’s family taking the bride away a few days prior to her wedding.

I thought it a strange tradition and inquired further into Chechen rituals. There were other strange ones. During the third day of a traditional Chechen wedding festival guests are lead to a river where they through cornmeal pancakes into the water. Next the guests take guns and shoot at the pancakes, after which the bride draws a bucket of water from the river and the wedding party goes home. Some symbolism is easier to determine than others. Evidently as the guests are shooting an alleged water sprite rises to the surface to try and eat a pancake. Proceeding this water sprite homicide, the river has been cleansed and determined a safe place to visit.

In this light, the kidnapping seems completely rational. For more Chechen wedding traditions, look here

George is part of the furniture at a certain neighborhood outdoor cafe, so R&B, Tif and I met him at his home away from home where they serve coffee’s as big as your head. Our discussion’s springboard was our mutual facination of the ritual of the groom taking the garter off of the bride's leg (sometimes with teeth).      George brought up an interesting way of thinking of the approach, that to point out a ritual's ridiculousness could be most powerful if you were to exaggerate the content of the ritual. He suggests making it bolder, obvious and more sexual - to amp it up. Zippers, ribbons and pearls were materials discussed. His ideas will brew and the conversation will be an interesting road to the eventual piece.

With her characteristic playfullness, Bec volunteered to stand right up on the bar so that everyone would be able to see the garter being thrown clearly, after it was taken from her leg. R&B encouraged George to go in any direction that made sense for him/inspired him. They were open to celebrate the bawdy history of the object. So, he will make two pieces - one to be thrown to the single men (lucky guy who catches it), and one for the couple to keep.

www.georgestoll.net

To remind you, Here are a few slightly varying tellings of the ritual's origin:

Wikipedia:

A garter is often worn by newlywed brides. It is the groom's privilege to remove the garter and toss it to the male guests. The symbolism to deflowering is unambiguous. Historically, this tradition also relates to the belief that taking an article of the bride's clothing would bring good luck. As this often resulted in the destruction of the bride's dress, the tradition arose for the bride to toss articles of clothing to the guests, including the garter. Another superstition that has circulated is the male equivalent of the bride throwing her bouquet to the unmarried ladies, i.e., the unmarried male wedding guest who successfully caught the garter was believed to be the next man to be headed to the altar from the group of single men at that wedding.

and from thegartergirl.com:

The wedding garter is said to be one of the oldest wedding traditions, dating back to the Dark Ages. After the wedding festivities, guests would accompany the bride and groom up to their bedroom to ensure that they arrived safely and to wish them well. It was considered good luck for a guest to take home a little piece of the bride’s clothing. Over time, this ritual evolved into a wild wedding night romp where guests would tackle the bride, ripping her clothes off hoping for a piece of her attire. (It is also said that wedding guests did this to “help” the new couple along.) In the melee, the garter, which at that time was used to hold up a woman’s stockings, would get tossed and it was considered good luck for whoever caught it. Whoever caught the garter was the next to be married.

Wynn Austin Fine Weddings and Events:

The garter toss is one of the oldest customs surviving wedding rituals. The garter toss became common at weddings in the 1500s in France. Originally, it was related to the concept of consummation of the marriage. The bridal party would approach the bride and groom’s bedroom for proof that the deed was accomplished. They would then take an item of the bride’s clothing for good luck. This was often the garter used to hold up the bride’s stockings. The groomsman who retrieved the garter would then wear it in his hat for the remainder of the wedding celebration. During

the nineteenth century, as brides and grooms became uncomfortable with visitors in their chambers, the tradition evolved to that of the bride tossing her garter to the groomsmen before the end of the reception. However, the men would often become violent competing for the garter and would sometimes tear at the bride’s dress or even flip her upside down to take the garter off before she had a chance. Finally, the ritual changed to include the groom gaining full rights to the garter removal. This protected the bride from potential injury and put the onus on the groom to declare consummation of the marriage.

the history of the garter

The GARTER toss is one of the oldest surviving wedding rituals. It became common in 1500s France, its origins relating to the consummation of the marriage. Other sources describe the garter as representational the virginal girdle.

What is now construed as the sexiest part of a wedding, was at one time downright bestial. When the groom removed the garter, he was in essence publicly demonstrating  relinquishment of the bride's virginal status. The bridal party would accompany, or converge in the bride and groom’s bedroom for proof that consummation was indeed accomplished, and even to help or goad the deed to be done.

Historically, this tradition also relates to the belief that taking an article of the bride's clothing would bring good luck. As this often resulted from this wild wedding night romp, the bride would be tackled, disrobed by force, her dress destroyed just to claim a piece of her attire, and hence, luck, in spite of her liberty.

In order to keep the other men at bay, the groom would toss the bride's garter as a means of distraction. The tradition morphed and watered down into the bride tossing articles of clothing to the guests.

It is customary for the unmarried man who catches the garter to then place it on the leg of the unmarried woman who catches the bouquet. It is said that they two will be the next to marry (not necessarily each other). Rituals converge.  

Whereas most brides would be pulling pages from a  Martha Stewart magazine, or else pulling out their hair, we're meeting with artists to talk about their ideas. These past few weeks have been like a non-stop studio visit train and the ride continues...

Bec, Ruben, Tif and I visited Skip Arnold and Olivia Primé (a married couple as it so happens)  to check in on progress. Skip’s piece is based on the tradition of throwing rice.

Initially, Skip proposed a very romantic, somewhat uncharacteristic piece that had nothing to do with him being naked. I loved it! However, he then presented us with an alternate idea. We’ll see what happens - its up to the artists ultimately, within reason.

Bec, Ruben, Tif and I visited Skip and Olivia (a married couple as it so happens) to check in on progress. Skip will make a work based on the tradition of throwing rice. Olivia will be making the program. I will tell you that Skip originally proposed a very romantic, somewhat uncharacteristic piece that had nothing to do with him being naked. I loved it, not because he wasn’t naked but because it was surprising and apropo, but after he proposed an alternate idea, and we’ll see what happens - its up to the artists ultimately, within reason. Olivia will be making an interactive program - one in which each program will be like a single cell in a beehive, and as guests arrive and take their own progam, the structure will change, shrink and disassemble. Brilliant.

I was treated to some prime seats for the Dodgers last weekend. So I brought R&B and Tif to enjoy yet another outside-the-box meeting, while inside box seats.   Romantic messages scrolled consistently across massive digital fields alongside advertisements for beer, insurance, and junk food. Pixilated people proposed to each other on the big screen before a packed stadium of sports fanatics. It must be gratifying for some to proclaim one’s  love so publicly. I was quite moved watching the larger than life couples hugging after prosperous proposals.

And the Dodgers actually came way up from zero to zero to zero in the 9th inning - they scored twice from a really good hit. I don't know the lingo, but suffice it to say, I got caught up in a moderate amount of whooping, as did my cohorts. I treated my crowd of three, plus me, to a little celebratory bling:   

Its hard to keep up with all the Get Hubbied artist's accomplishments, but its fun to try and also to bump into them in the ether. Enjoy the set:
click here

Here is a photograph R&B found online to include in a thank you letter to Cal. It is a picture of Cal on a unicycle:

And here is a sneak preview of the invitation design. Cal Clements made the drawings, all of which are in his handwriting. I cut and pasted both image and text into the actual invite design. This was particularly meaningful to me, since Cal and I have collaborated on a children's book together, a mail-art project, and have been pen-pals for over 20 years, adding to the stream of collaborations past and future.

the rsvp card

the back of the invitation envelope

Click here for a mighty nice mention in the LA Times last Saturday by Christopher Knight re: her piece in The Home Show in Santa Barbara

Originally, we asked Karen to approach the cake topper as a sculpture. Usually, the delectable depicts a figurine of both bride and groom in full wedding attire, or some kind of representation of a couple. She proposed to also design the cake itself, and did so in the most incredibly singular way. What artist shouldn't think about their podium? Again, we're not going to give it away at this juncture, but what we can say is that this is going to be a visually stunning rare dessert.

Yesterday I was sitting in the car with Bec and Bettina, waiting to meet Tom Peters (a friend of Hubby's in the catering business) and it dawned on me that whether or not Bec was getting Hubbied, I'd still be sitting in her car waiting to meet the caterer. Bec and I have been close friends since she moved to LA seven years ago and so when she and Ruben became the official Get Hubbied couple, I was not only excited to be working with these positively radiant people, I had the double pleasure of being able to spend this time helping to make a dear friend’s wedding really special.

Throwing rice and old shoes at the end of the wedding ceremony customarily has its origin with the ancient Assyrians and Egyptians. They gave or traded sandals as a symbol of good faith when striking a bargain. In the case of marriage, the bargain was the transfer of a father's authority over his daughter to her new husband. The bride's father would then give the groom one of her old shoes and the groom would tap the bride over the head with it. This act symbolized the groom's acceptance of his new responsibility.

For the Assyrians and Egyptians rice was symbol of fruitfulness, so throwing it over the new couple was graciously intended as a sign of good wishes. Throwing confetti over newlyweds has its origins in the pagan rite of showering the couple with grain,  a symbol of fruitfulness. In Morocco, newlyweds are struck with figs, dates and raisins, thought to bring a “fruitful” union to the couple. In general, throwing anything over the newly married couple is representational of fertility. In Italy this includes sweets, and it’s even rumored that in some European countries they throw eggs.

Throwing rice has primarily been replaced by throwing birdseed due to a wild but untrue rumor that injesting the rice could cause birds serious damage. To date not a single bird death has been reported as a result of ingesting rice.

In Morocco, newlyweds are struck with figs, dates and raisins, thought to bring a “fruitful” union to the couple. For the most part, the throwing of anything is meant to represent fertility. In Italy this includes sweets, and it’s even rumored that in some European countries they throw eggs.

A delightful read on Abels' work (portrait artist for Get Hubbied) by Geoff Tuck, Notes on Looking.

"Where the hell will you be on Saturday, July 23? Say it aloud with me: “I’m going to Bergamot!”yesterday and I am excited. Try to repress an excited Geoffrey.

Abel Baker Gutierrez has an exhibition opening at Luis de Jesus in Bergamot on July 23. Swimming, Gutierrez’ show is called, and its opening coincides with Shoshana Wayne’s getting-to-be-notorious Christian Cumming-Doug Harvey-curated madhouse of an exhibition, Chain Letter. Where the hell will you be on Saturday, July 23? Say it aloud with me: “I’m going to Bergamot!”

Ooh. Abel Baker G is showing a video, too. Guaranteed to raise the ire of someone out there, these images and a film of troublingly, if quietly, sexualized Boy Scouts and boys playing. It’s funny how context has become everything for us today – as the press release points out Thomas Eakins made similar images. He’s ok, a hero even. But he did it then, when we can presume an innocent audience. (Or can we?) And Eakins wasn’t queer. (Or was he?) And we (or “Them,” depending on your point of view) are more advanced and sophisticated about these things. (And also our culture has become a culture of implacable moralizers. Huh. Are we more advanced and sophisticated? Hell – I’m not. I haven’t even figured out Joseph Kosuth yet.)"

Do attend Abel's upcoming show:

Swimming JULY 23 – AUGUST 27, 2011

Artist Reception: Saturday, July 23, 5-8pm Luis De Jesus 2525 Michigan Ave., Bergamot Station F2 Santa Monica, CA http://www.luisdejesus.com/

Terri's work, shown at the WPA in Chinatown, was an ethereal and haunting visual poem about the American Civil War battle of Shiloh (Tennessee in 1862) which was the bloodiest battle in US history at that time. There is a piece (my favorite) made of shattered red glass on the floor representing the waters in Shilo that were indelibly and psychologically stained by the death of soldiers and their horses. Terri has a great talent for representing complex texts and ideas via eerie, haunting and poetically infused objects and images.       Terri will be translating the 'hearth' of the wedding - the place on which the couple will stand to get married. She will most likely make a piece using glitter and mirrored glass that will resemble the red glass piece in her current show but it is sure to be the psychological opposite and will celebrate the marriage with some sort of illuminating symbol.

www.terriphillips.com

Here is the video invitation to her show, filmed by John Pearson
the photo within the photo is by Raymond Doherty:

Terri Phillips | The Bloody Pond | WPA from fil ruting on Vimeo.

WPA 510 Bernard St. LA CA 90012

Here at HubbyCo, we were so excited by the recent news that New York would become the sixth (and largest state) to allow gay marriage. Only 44 more to go! Someday we're sure that equal rights will be a given, but in the meantime we'll celebrate each small victory along the way. Thanks to the people of New York who fought to make this happen.

To read article click here

I just got back from a weekend in Vegas, I thought I'd just show this image instead of any images of unhealthy Americans, saran-wrapped dresses and tiny shorts, vile colored drinks, the sound of people/s savings clinking down the tubes, karaoke wars, sloppy drunk mating hoots, smoking indoors, and lots of brown food.

As you may have already heard, Bettina's work is on view now in Santa Barbara as part of the Home Show Revisited, an exhibition put on by the Contemporary Arts Forum. The show partners homeowners with artists who are presented with the challenge of making a site-specific work. Bettina and I made numerous trips to SB during the time spent preparing for the show and given our friendly nature got to know Doug and Marian McKenzie (whose house Bettina's work is residing at now) quite well. We were struck by the freshness of their marriage and their life in general. There never seems to be a dull moment at the McKenzie house, which we tried to capture in this short video interview that explores their thoughts on marriage.

To watch interview, click here

"(He asked me)to come see him one last time before I got married, he planned this elaborate wooing, no girl could of resisted it." -Marian

"we actually participate in each others' interests." -Marian

"I love being married to someone that lets me invite this kind of opportunity into our lives..supportive, flexible, she goes with the flow." -Doug

Check this out ladies and gents. Our very own William Stone, the artist making the ring container, is being trumpeted (rightly so) for his recent show, FRAMED, that just closed at James Fuentes LLC in New York:

click here

Upon returning from a loving trip to see my family where they spoiled me rotten, I was met with such progress from Bec and Ruben regarding the workings of Get Hubbied. First I will say, simply and grandly, that they are taking such interest in each and every artist working on this project. They went to see Nicholas Kahn's show at Kopeikin Gallery a couple of weeks ago, they invited Roger Herman to their house last week, and over this weekend went to see the installation by Barbara Bestor at SCARC, as well as to correspond with artists, and complete all of the things I'd asked them to with more care and kindness than I could have imagined. I'll never get sick of this behavior!

Here's an excerpt from a letter they wrote to Nicholas Kahn, who is making the piece for Old New Borrowed Blue:

"Nicholas, it was so great to meet you at your opening at Kopeikin Gallery in Culver City. We know exactly why Bettina picked you for this project. The way you both portray old and new is simply awe inspiring...Here are our ideas for something blue:

Bec: I'm not sure if my idea will work for what you both had in mind so please let me know and I can figure out something else. I have two very special pieces of family jewelry from my Grandparents, one on my Mom's side and one on my Dad's side that I would like to use for this collaboration. Each of these pieces have a birthstone that represents the 3 generations of my family. These two pieces of jewelry are very dear to my heart. Both of my Grandparents passed away a while ago but, I have so many vivid memories of when they would wear them. To me these pieces of jewelry represent our family crest.

Ruben - For the last six years I have been working in film production. The company I work for do jobs that require me to build sets, set lights and props. I always use these blue shot bags that are filled with sand to keep lighting and grip stands from moving. Metaphorically they represent my becoming a more grounded adult - not only as an artist, but also in my relationships. These particular ones I propose for you to use are about 20 pounds each.

We are both feel so honored to have the chance to collaborate with you. Please let us what you are thinking and if you need any clarifying or if we need to change are ideas.

Thank you, R&B"

Again, here is the link to the Bestor exhibit, up through the 26th of this month: click here

and here is a couple of pics of their visit:

This afternoon Bettina and I were preparing packages for artists about Bec and Ruben as well as brief histories of the traditions their work in the wedding relates to. Below is a sample of what I gathered about the cake ceremony. We look forward to what Karen Lofgren does, our artist relegated to cake.

LET THEM EAT CAKE

Nowadays we might get excited about seeing a groom shove a sliver of cake in his new wife’s face, but if we were around during ancient Roman times the spectacle would have been much greater. The whole tradition of wedding cakes began as a way of sealing the deal so to speak; it was a symbol of the man’s new dominance over his wife, and the breaking of her virginal state.

The ritual of cake over time has lost its aggressive tone and taken on a new air of prestige. Instead of destroying the cake, we put it on display and even eat it. As sugar became more refined, cake icing got whiter, and as a status symbol couples would invest in the making their cake as white as possible.

The cake cutting ceremony can symbolize children and reproduction or the sexual union of the couple, with the use of a phallic symbol (knife) inserted into the cake. In the Middle Ages the wedding guests threw small sweet cakes instead, which preempted the large wedding cake of today.

No accounts tell of a special type of cake appearing at wedding ceremonies. There are, however, stories of a custom involving stacking small sweet buns in a large pile in front of the newlyweds. The couple would attempt to kiss over the pile. Success in the process was a sign that there would be many children in their future.

First appearing in the middle of the17th century and well into the early 19th century was a popular dish called the bride's pie. The pie was filled with sweet breads, a mince pie, or may have been merely a simple mutton pie. A main "ingredient" was a glass ring. An old adage claimed that the lady who found the ring would be the next to be married. Bride’s pies were by no means universally found at weddings, but there are accounts of these pies being made into the main centerpiece at less affluent ceremonies. The name "bride cakes" emphasized that the bride was the focal point of the wedding.

The notion of sleeping with a piece of cake underneath one's pillow dates back as far as the 17th century and quite probably forms the basis for today's tradition of giving cake as a gift. Legend has it that sleepers will dream of their future spouses if a piece of wedding cake is under their pillow. In the late 18th century this notion led to the curious tradition in which brides would pass tiny crumbs of cake through their rings and then distribute them to guests who could, in turn, place them under their pillows. The custom was curtailed when brides began to get superstitious about taking their rings off after the ceremony.

click here

This picture was taken year (ish) after my mom and dad first met (and there is no hidden meaning that the photo looks like its split in two, though it is poignant)

I don't talk on the phone very much with my Dad, well I don't talk on the phone very much at all, but with Dad, even more sparingly. Most of the time there's a weird delay when you talk to him, a gap, like you're on a long distance call from the 1970s. Its because he talks into the receiver and the part of the phone that is for listening is far away from his ear. Dad developed this habit in the first place by being a Dr. and recording patient's notes into a recorder. He talks like this in large segments covering all sorts of topics that bleed into each other with hardly any pauses between. I have become really good at being able to tell when the phone is back near his ear. Its a small window, and if I don't jump in there, the phone goes back into the primary position. During that small window I have the chance to reply to all the topics, and I have to do that in a big chunk with hardly any space between, otherwise the phone goes back to the primary position.

With that in mind, I called him yesterday, which is rare due to the above, and he began asking if I’d received the tornado kit he sent, and then went into warning me again about cancer-causing cell phone usage, and then about his upcoming road trip with mom. I noticed a softening of his voice that is rare, and an almost confessional tone. He told me he was really looking forward to the trip with her, and that they were getting really good at trips and having a lot of fun. He went on to tell me that he thinks they've rediscovered what it was in the very beginning, when they first met, that drew each of them to the other. Also that they are both focusing on the positives about each other, instead of the negative, which he admitted they’d both got really good at. If I had to pull just one quote from the conversation, it would have to be this one, which is referencing how frustrated he used to be with mom that she wasn't interested in reading the New York Times every day: "After all, I didn't marry your mother in order to find out and discuss what was going on in Czechoslovakia."

It was about as tender a conversation we've had in years. I also told him that perhaps now mom did know more about Czechoslovakia. He laughed and said that she sure has gotten better about calling him on his %^&*$#@! and that he didn't know where these trips were leading, but they are laughing about themselves about things they would never been able to laugh about years ago. He also lets her help with the driving on these new trips, which he never never let anyone do when I was growing up. So, times, they are a changin'.

I suppose what I'm getting at, though I would never suggest anyone take the road my parents have taken to get to where they are right now, is that perhaps people in the later chapters of their lives can come back together and rekindle the affection and appreciation for each other that has been dormant and buried by, in my parent's case, a couple of kids, a couple of pets and a few marriages and divorces.

I don't know how anyone could trump this meaning-full dress:

click here

Ruben shares the account of the journey to Arizona to ask for her hand and announce the wedding plans to Bec's parents.

"The morning began with a barrage of hugs, hello's and Bloody Mary's. It had been at least five months since Bec and I had seen her parents. We had driven the night before to Arizona from Los Angeles, and a morning feast with Gary and Kathy (her parents) plus Aunt Sue was ripe and immanent. Little did they know what Bec and I had in store to reveal that weekend. The plan was to announce our engagement, but first it was essential that I ask Gary for his blessing to marry Bec.

Since I was a boy, I had always planned on asking for the parents blessing when I'd found who I wanted to marry. It must have been all those exaggerated black & white romantic films that I'd been bombarded by on television that repeated that ritual and inspired me to want to make that moment happen in my own life when the time was right.

Just towards noon I found myself in the backyard. The ground was strewn with colored rocks and lush grapefruit trees filled the landscape, aesthetically accentuating the moment. Two years ago, Bec and I had come to visit her parents. I can remember picking grapefruit for the first time with Gary. It was an amazing experience crawling under the thick green leaves of the tree's canopy, looking through to all the golden fruit above. Now, back in Arizona, I wanted to meet Bec's father under the grapefruit canopy again, to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.

After kicking rocks around for a while, Gary accompanied me outside with a fresh round of afternoon cocktails. Before I could get him over to the tree, he started to talk to me about the rock garden that I'd helped him to start build two years ago. It was expanding; he'd built it out bit by bit by venturing to gather more stones. The foliage within the rocks had also been flourishing. I noticed that he'd cleared some room down at the bottom of the garden, and he talked about how he'd wanted to expand the garden there but didn't know what to put in the empty space. I looked at this new growth as a metaphor for my upcoming marriage to Bec. Switching gears back to my intent, I took a deep breath and reminded Gary of the first time we had visited them in Arizona a couple years back, and specifically of when we first broke bread at the dinner table and held hands in prayer. As I sat holding Gary's hand in my left and Bec's in my right, I knew then that the bond with Bec would lead to marriage. I finally asked for his blessing to marry his daughter. His face beamed with joy and he interrupted me saying, " Ruben are we really doing this right now?" I smiled back and looked in his eyes and said," Yes." He rushed at me like a bull to a matador and shook my hand firmly and gave me a hug stating that he could not be happier. The affection he displayed answered my question and I will hold that moment dear now and for as long as I live. Bec and I continued to celebrate throughout the night with her family; and if that celebrating weren't enough we even added on a cake-filled celebration of Bec's early birthday.

The next morning I was instructed to keep Kathy company as Gary, Aunt Sue, and Bec ran up to the local quarry for some more rocks for the garden. The chairs were strategically placed facing each other as the front door closed. Kathy and I sat in the newly painted kitchen looking at each other awaiting the break of the pregnant silence. She didn't give me a chance to be nervous, and opened up to me with such motherly warmth. I'll never forget the reassurance she gave eye-to-eye as I explained to her what marriage meant to me. She already knew that I was Bec's biggest fan and was perfectly matched for her, but having her acceptance at this moment was particularly important. I was emotional as I stated loving words about her baby girl. The remarks I was saying were true of course, but saying them to her mother under these circumstances made them resonate.

Later at brunch we officially announced our engagement to the whole family. I was truly purely happy that day."

~Ruben

I loved watching this show, and always found it so amusing that many or most of the newlywed players didn't know or remember, even the most basic of trivia about each other. I think it should be mandatory to play this game until you know all the answers to all of the questions that have ever appeared on the show before being able to get married. Have a bit of fun with your spouse or partner tonight. I've picked 10 from the game show questions I found online. In the place of the word spouse or partner, I put the symbol: *

1. If your * could choose one thing of yours to get rid of, what would he/she choose? 2. If you told your * that tomorrow you would do any one item from his/her Honey-Do list, what would he/she choose? 3. You've gone to the 7-11 to pick up milk. On a whim, you decide to get your * a little surprise treat. What else will you buy besides the milk (at the 7-11)? 4. Fill in these blanks. My * may be the world's best: but he/she may also be the world's worst: 5. If your * had to change jobs with one of his/her friends, who would they choose? 6. What is the oddest location you and your * ever been over-affectionate? 7. A meteor is headed for your house. Your* has saved your family, pets, and the family photos. Your * has time to save one more item. What will he/she save? 8. When my * wakes up in the morning she/he’s likely to find my on his/her . (a classic from the original game show) 9. If your * could have constant access to one store, what store would it be? 10. Have them write the chore they least like to do and why.. "I hate because ___." Example: I hate doing laundry because it takes all day and makes the house hot.

Now that the Home Show in Santa Barbara has opened, I can finally settle back in to LA matters and focus on the very deserved R&B. They invited Tif and me over for a home-cooked meal a la Ruben. A cornucopia was laid out for us in their colorful, artful and charm-full abode with finesse. Of course we talked about the wedding logistical details, gave them a list of things to do, caught them up on where all the artists are in the process, who we need to meet with first and what steps to take, but more importantly, we bonded and laughed a bunch.

They showed us their rings. How's this for good mojo: Ruben: "Firstly Bec's mother, Kathy, brought her original wedding ring to Arizona to give to me. She had no idea of the news Bec and I would be bringing that weekend. My mother, Grace, hearing that Kathy was giving her ring, also wanted to contribute and she offered to solve the problem of no stone being on Kathy's original ring by giving a stone from a wedding ring that she no longer wore. Lastly, my father Jesse, who I am very close with, offered his original wedding band to me."

That would be a meaningful ring to wear, and even a reason to wear a diamond. I've never been quite fond of diamonds, but will be a diamond with some serious soul.

the first image shows Ruben's ring (on my gnarly fingers), and the second is Bec's (which will have the stone from Ruben's mom's ring added soon)

Some people do indeed radiate contentment in their couple-ness - Bec and Ruben have that market cornered; their house even seems to be smiling. I look forward to every single meeting, email and phone call, of which we will have many in the coming months.

Forgive me, since this isn't exactly a romantic idea, and one that I find abhorrent and a self-fullfilling prophecy of doom, but it is a part of many marriages, so I thought I'd address it by posting this article. I am open to any discourse or other point of view. Perhaps there are instances I haven't thought of where it makes absolute sense, but for me, it never would:

click here

photo by Mike Slack ===================

There are some who get really into the way in which this ritual is enacted - this guy spent time on his proposal, big time. But, what if she couldn't get to the level in the game where it actually happens? I guess its because he'd never propose to someone who couldn't.

click here

It was a tremendous weekend. The artists really pulled out all the stops. I'm proud to have been asked to be a part of this, and to have gotten the strongly positive feedback I've been getting.

Here's a link to an article Geoff Tuck has invested time and talent into explaining the show, and going through some of the artist's studios. This is the first part of his piece celebrating Michele O'Marah's solo show at CAF which launched simultaneously with The Home Show:

click here

And, this is part of the article focusing on the studio visit with me:

click here

There are many weekends ahead for visitation possibilities. Fridays and Saturdays: 11 am - 5 pm, Sunday: noon - 5 pm, through July 17th. Check the website for detailed information:

click here

There really is a website for anyone looking for marriage. Just a sampling:

click here for Muslims

and here for ugly millionaires

and here for Russian women

and here for Christians

and for polyamorists

and how about some good ole mail order husbands

last but not least, my personal favorite, click here to marry a character online

GOP donors wield their clout for gay rites

click here

"When I first met Ruben it was pretty amazing, because I wasn't looking to get into a relationship, and he literally knocked my socks off. I loved his energy. I loved everything about him from day one. I’d never felt that kind of exctiement before." ~Bec

"I don’t think I had a doubt in my mind, even before I looked closely as to what the project was about. I knew I wanted to get married with Bec. I wanted to do something that wasn’t traditional, something where both her and I would have fun with it." ~Ruben

"To have this opportunity is amazing for both of us and to be working and collaborating with so many brilliant artists is unbelievable..it's a dream come true. We’re just so excited a to how its unfolding." ~Bec

I will share the stats. I tried to import the actual invite, but my limited computer skills put up a blockade. Stats remain:

James Fuentes LLC presents

William Stone

FRAMES

May 11 - June 12, 2011
Reception: Wednesday, May 11, 6-8pm

55 Delancey Streeet, New York, NY 10002, 1.212.577.1201

Gallery hours Wednesday - Sunday, 11-6

www.jamesfuentes.com

This will explain itself without going into any unnecessary details, though the break-up came from several emerging and increasing discordant desires. I do think we will be happier now that we have gone different routes. I wish them the very best in their own wedding planning, and in married life as well. ~ Bettina

Dear Jon and Liz,

I have taken the weekend to think this through very carefully and thoughtfully. I do not take this decision lightly. I do appreciate and honor the work and time and care you have put into this project. Your intelligence and insight into the issues and the respectful focus for each part of the venture have been remarkable. I thank you for reiterating your belief and interest in my idea for Get Hubbied. My idea though, does require my own guest list, which would include my best friends, a few of the participating artists, and a couple of hand-selected press, within the playful framework that I've been orchestrating.

I do believe, and my belief is shared by those closest to me, that we have very different approaches, outlooks, and wishes that are coming to light to look a bit like oil and water - in the end this does not make for a pleasant shared experience. I think that in order for you to look back on this event and see your friends and loved ones in the purest of ways, then you should have that; and the same goes for me in seeing this project through the spirit in which I conceived it. I know you have taken this step of marriage with much thought, discussion and seriousness. We have run into a wall that I believe is called: irreconcilable differences. I think we can gracefully and with mutual respect, take our respective forks in the road and wish each other the fulfillment we desire and deserve.

This will indeed become a part of this project for me, and a learning experience. It is sad to be sure, but I don't see it as a waste of either of our times - I think we all enjoyed the ride, until we began not to. The first couple of months couldn't have gone better to me. But, as it is true with any relationship, it took some time to start to see that our differences in approach were too great to have a happy match. And I want to look back in 20 years and see something joyful regarding what I and all my cohorts have been working on for long and hard and with so much energy and passion.

With respect,

Bettina

PS - There is some immediate enthusiastic interest by another couple of people to replace Jon and Liz. More on that in the next blog: onward forward.

click here
that's it on that, I promise

True to himself, being an absolute inventor of playful intelligent forms, Joe does it again!

click here

There is the obvious choice for wedding reportage this past week, but we will choose to forgo talking about a wedding that actually happened and that was very well attended and covered by the press, because here at the HubbyCo offices we're in the midst of the difficulties it takes to actually make a wedding happen.

We were feeling a little stressed out (to say the very least) this week and so we googled "wedding planning stress." Amongst the dozens of pages of tips for brides-to-be (no grooms-to-be stress sites were evident), we found this article that simply suggested that hiring a wedding planner would make for a much more relaxing experience.

This reminded us of the uniqueness of the endeavor that we are taking on and why we can't just hire someone to do it for us. There will be two marriages happening in September: one between the couple and the other between the couple and HubbyCo. We've curated many shows before, but never one that happened melded with a wedding and we're finding that this concoction of art and real-life can be a hard drink to blend and to swallow.

As is consistently the case for us, one of the main priorities in any project is to espouse a sense of community, collaborative spirit, hard work and a celebratory coming together to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It is that original vision for Get Hubbied we have to get back to, though the decisions to get there are difficult ones for us to make. More on that soon.

'Bridezillas' in an abstract sense, (applicable to many sides of the fence, including the people getting married, their parents, wedding planners and guests) aren't born that way, they erupt during the process of planning something incredibly detailed that they've never undertaken before. In our case, it's not about working with the artists or finding the right caterer, it's about communicating with your partner... in our case, partners.

If you're planning a wedding, and aren't collaborating with a coterie of artists and a curated wedding, then maybe your solution could be, like the below article suggests, to find a fourth party to swoop in and plan things for you, reduce stress and really allow yourself enjoy the process all the way along.

...or, you, your parents, your partner or your loved ones may turn into 'Bridezilla,' Groomonster, etc...

click here for some amusing and/or frightening stories

In addition to writing about wedding traditions from all directions and marriage in general, we've been using this space to make notice of upcoming exhibitions of all the artists who are in Get Hubbied. Guess who got a mention in the New York Times this week? Ours truly, Bettina Hubby. Check out the article about the upcoming show in Santa Barbara she's in, and if you happen to be in town on the weekend of May 21st, stop by for the tour of all ten artists in homes throughout the area. If not for the opening, then one of the weekends from the 21st, throughout June. Congratulations Hubby! We're all proud and excited to see the show. ~Tif

click here

An oddball and searing portrait of the gilded pair to wed.
To quote the artist describing his method as, "a broken ice-cream van approach"

click here for the article

Here at the Get Hubbied offices we are knee-deep in the thralls of wedding planning which can sometimes make you forget about the finish line... marriage! In Elizabeth Freeman's new book "The Wedding Complex," she writes about the relationship between 'weddings' and 'marriage' (making the astute observation that you don't even need a wedding to have a marriage.) Starting from this point she analyzes the wedding machine, the history of weddings, and contemporary traditions. We highly recommend it, but if you don't have the time, we highly recommend you read this interview on Indiebride.com

click here

Bettina and I were talking the other day about how we haven't talked to anyone who is part of an arranged marriage, nor have we ever met anyone in such a situation. It's uncharted terrain for Get Hubbied. I did a little looking around and found this article on NPR about a modern American couple, Shad and Sana, whose parents set them up. Of course what everyone really wants to know is if they are in love?, or do they even like each other? The husband in this couple says that people who are looking for love are missing out and that compatibility is more important. Don't we all wish we were that practical...

For the article, Matched By Mom: Arranged Marriage In America, by Jamie Tarabay
click here

An article proposing that marriages in which individuals demand inspiration and self-expansion from their partners, are happier more sustainable ones:
click here

I especially connected with the first story about how people argue, and how this particular man charted it out after muh observation. I remember my dad telling me long ago that there are certain rules for arguing that make it a productive exercise. The trouble with that for relationships I was in, was that I was the only one who knew the rules. I do think that there is a lot to gain by thinking about the resonance of your own words, and how much of what we argue about is usually far from the core of the matter.

Juicy article about the bond she and Richard Burton shared
click here

I just found it on Netflix, and though a bit dated, it still looks to be a thorough, thoughtful and relevant film. Here is a link to the film's website: click here

This provocative interactive installation is not to be missed. Visit the installation while not populated to experience it as a 'Silent' Disco.

And - to experience it while not silent, there is an Disco dance party on the 22nd of April. See the website for more information. click here

A excerpt from the site I quite enjoyed describing the project's purpose:
"The architectural project here is not limited to the execution of a design and its special effects, but a framework to encourage visual, physical and social pleasure." ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================

For an article about two older gay men fearing they won't outlast Prop 8 appeals: click here

I just had to learn to love my husband's old junk and my own past as much as he did. ~ By Taffy Brodesser-Akner

click here

sorry about the strange link, but I couldn't find the article anyplace else and I really wanted to share this one.

March 26, 2011

(apt, to have one since Hubby's uncle was George Gallup, of The Gallup Poll)

During the first phase of this project, in the creation stages of the website, we decided to make a poll to find out about how you, our viewers, feel about various topics relating to marriage.

We asked how people felt about gay marriage, how people felt about monogamy, and about how they'd rate the happiness level of their parents and their own marriage - and we have good news... Marriage won!

When we asked people if they would describe themselves as happily married 60.82 percent said yes and only 29.9 percent said no (9.28 percent replied other, but they probably weren't married in the first place)

We are also happy to announce that 86.73 percent of you responded to our poll by saying, YES!, you feel personally capable of spending the rest of your life with one person.

As we get closer to our big wedding day, we're happy to proceed with this measured enthusiasm for matrimony.

click here

I pulled two significant points I thought deserved note:

"But my title is also about the complexity of the wedding, the fact that it is messy and complicated -- aesthetically, historically, and in terms of the personal emotions it evokes."

"One important thing it does, in addition to signaling the bride and/or groom's loyalty to extended family, religion, or culture, is to display people connected to the couple in other ways besides marriage -- when else in your waking life are you going to have everyone from the various periods and parts of your life in the same room?"

click here for their website. Utilize their genius, and keep the art form alive. I don't want to give away the artist's final plans, but Cary and Brooks, the owners of Aardvark, and Bill, the very tall master of the press (with a pocket brimming and stacked with pens and tools) are all enthused about this idea and process. The letterpress text was challenging on the kind of paper I provided. They made it work, though it was no simple plan. The die cut part of the plan comes next.

The paper was complex to sort out. I've been working with this lovely gal Martha in the mid-west for over a year to make the kind of paper that Ruscha described wanting for his idea, the wedding favor. As of this moment, I've gathered about 100 sheets of her paper. It doesn't feel quite right to call it paper, since each sheet is an object in itself, and ten of them took a couple of weeks to make, dry and send. Ed wanted it as thick as you could get 'paper' and as homemade and recycled as is possible. I sampled a lot of artists who made paper until I found the right person. If you search for the company: Pulpart, at the www.etsy.com site, you'll find Martha's store.

And then the description of the order once I told her exactly what we were looking for, which has a certain poetry:

Extra thick white handmade paper - CUSTOM ORDER FOR HUBBYCO from PulpArt. Extra thick white handmade paper - CUSTOM ORDER FOR HUBBYCO. You will receive 10 pieces of extremely thick paper for your die cut project. Each sheet of paper is individually made by hand using an art form created by the Chinese over 1,000 years ago. I sift through my junk mail, old bills, letters and the like to find the highest quality paper. (You have to start with good paper to end up with good paper!) I do not use bleaches or dyes to color my paper. The color is determined from the scraps I use. I shred the recycled paper, combine it with water to make a pulp. A frame with a screen is pulled through the water to catch the pulp, which forms a sheet of paper that I air dry.

As I was walking away from taking this picture, a guy built like a house rushed out and towards my car asking what the @#$*%^& I was doing. I don't think he would have understood my aesthetic and humor-filled motivations, so I shrugged while quickly getting in the car and waved goodbye really friendly-like.

This is brilliant in my opinion. I'm thinking of reading this at the wedding

This is brilliant in my opinion. I'm thinking of reading this at the wedding:

Should I get married? Should I be Good? Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustaus hood? Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries and she going just so far and I understanding why not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel! Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--

When she introduces me to her parents back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie, should I sit knees together on their 3rd degree sofa and not ask Where's the bathroom? How else to feel other than I am, often thinking Flash Gordon soap-- O how terrible it must be for a young man seated before a family and the family thinking We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou! After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living? Should I tell them? Would they like me then? Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter but we're gaining a son-- And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?

O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded just waiting to get at the drinks and food-- And the priest! He looking at me if I masturbated asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife? And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue! I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha! And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on--

then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates! All streaming into cozy hotels All going to do the same thing tonight The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen The lobby zombies they knowing what The whistling elevator man he knowing The winking bellboy knowing Everybody knowing! I'd be almost inclined not to do anything! Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye! Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon! running rampant into those almost climatic suites yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel! O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy a saint of divorce--

But I should get married I should be good How nice it'd be to come home to her and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen aproned young and lovely wanting by baby and so happy about me she burns the roast beef and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf! God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married! So much to do! like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky! And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him When are you going to stop people killing whales! And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust--

Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn, up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me, finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear not Roman coin soup-- O what would that be like! Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus For a rattle bag of broken Bach records Tack Della Francesca all over its crib Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon

No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father not rural not snow no quiet window but hot smelly New York City seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job! And five nose running brats in love with Batman And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired like those hag masses of the 18th century all wanting to come in and watch TV The landlord wants his rent Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus Impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking-- No! I should not get married and I should never get married! But--imagine if I were to marry a beautiful sophisticated woman tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves holding a cigarette holder in one hand and highball in the other and we lived high up a penthouse with a huge window from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days No I can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream--

O but what about love? I forget love not that I am incapable of love it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes-- I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible And there maybe a girl now but she's already married And I don't like men and-- but there's got to be somebody! Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married, all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!

Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible then marriage would be possible-- Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover so I wait--bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.

This is the end of the film, and shows a father coming home to an empty and silent house after giving his daughter away to be married. It is incredibly moving portrayal of the quiet that settles in after a child leaves the nest. Also, it is a sad reminder of how most American films jam in constant dialogue and noise - they don't trust themselves with silence.

March 18, 2011

Its a song, American Wedding, by Gogol Bordello that I found while trolling around the internet

I would almost suggest this as the first dance to kick up a storm, but.....well, there are many reasons I wouldn't do something like that, but we sure can enjoy it here, and I hope you do.

To read T Magazine's article on Roger Herman click here

and go check out Gerald Davis' new work at Parker Jones Gallery until the 16th of April.

March 14, 2011

This is a long clip, but its a curious vision to see the bride perched on her candy colored throne while women model slips on and around chaise lounges.

Click here for an argument for the 4 year itch

Click here for an article pitching the 3 year itch

the only reason I thought this image was appropriate was because this is the only photo I have that felt itchy

Here's a good read for those that like a bit of Hitchcock in their marriage, or at least to imagine it:

There was an article in the New York Times that relates to how a woman's scent aids in keeping men monogamous who are in long term relationships; this in order to allow for people to stay together long enough for the bearing of children.

here's a quote from the article, written by John Tierney, and a link to the entire article below:

Previous research had shown that a woman at the fertile stage of her menstrual cycle seems more attractive, and that same effect was observed here — but only when this woman was rated by a man who wasn’t already involved with someone else.

The other guys, the ones in romantic relationships, rated her as significantly less attractive when she was at the peak stage of fertility, presumably because at some level they sensed she then posed the greatest threat to their long-term relationships. To avoid being enticed to stray, they apparently told themselves she wasn’t all that hot anyway.

click here

I'd never met Kristin before, which is shocking as we know at least 158 people and growing in common, so says Facebook. Of all the interviews thus far, and most likely all in the future, she and Joshua are undoubtedly and completely unified. It was inspiring both in what I saw, being their individual art works and home/studio environments, and what I heard, which was their connectivity, their history and the story of their marriage. I looked to them to instill some breath of fresh air into this whole marriage activity amongst artists. There is so much resistance to it, and mistrust of it within my community. She and Josh are simply utilizing it as a ritual structure that they are filling with their own beliefs, reinventing it for themselves and taking from it what they like, looking forward and leaving the rest behind.

"We're both pretty rational, and we're both pretty spontaneous, but we also know who we are individually…I'm not a facade, I’m a real person and I wanted a real person. We’re just trying to live this life together" ~Josh and Kristen

"We just didn't want anything in our ceremony to be about religion, death or the law, and in some way, talking about that really allowed all the other wonderful things two people can say to each other to just come out." ~Josh

Kristen and Josh - edited by Amy Cargill

I drove out to CalArts. It is a skooch off the beaten track, but what glorious weather - it was like a vacation in an afternoon. I was a bit early, and it was a bank holiday so the halls were empty but for a few hard-cores, which served to up the atmosphere of my visit.

Abel will do a drawing of Liz and one of Jon - the portraits will form a diptych. He's thinking of using the charcoal pencil on pencil technique so that depending on where you are in the room, the imagery appears and disappears. This is as good a photograph I was able to get in the studio lighting, but its good enough to get the point across. Jon and Liz will be supplying Abel with a couple of images of each of them as teens to choose from. I like that they'll be rendered at the age at which they were on the verge of becoming adults, aptly since Abel’s work deals with this time in a boy’s life.

There are some curious titles in Abel’s bookshelf, one of which has the word Bride on it. Are there two copies of a book called "Terror Hospital"? There are several boy oriented books, even an author named Kidd, but I gotta borrow this one: "Some Faggy Gestures," by Henrik Olesen.

Abel's upcoming thesis show will be focusing on images of boys in water. The imagery in the painting and Cyanotypes are sourced from life-saving instruction photographs. Taken out of context, underscored and isolated by Abel, they become eerie and romantic. To me, the boys in his work communicate a wistfulness, a glorious naivete, a physical and spirited admiration of youth. The painted shirtless bodies with limbs flailing, posing or floating in water submissively held by another - they all capture some essence of boyhood communal innocence on the edge of being lost.

Abel's upcoming thesis show will be focusing on images of boys in water. The imagery in the painting and Cyanotypes are sourced from life-saving instruction photographs. Taken out of context, underscored and isolated by Abel, they become eerie and romantic. To me, the boys in his work communicate a wistfulness, a glorious naivete, a physical and spirited admiration of youth. The painted shirtless bodies with limbs flailing, posing seriously for portraits, or floating in water submissively held by another - they all capture some essence of communal innocence on the edge of being lost.

and the man himself

This is a graphic I found in one of the non-Braille versions of Boys Life. It reminds me of a family crest, or a wonderful tattoo

small but sure steps towards equal rights
click here

and of course this gives the Republicans something to moan about
click here

newsflash:

Supermodel Kate Moss has asked her friend Tracey Emin to create the artistic backdrop for her upcoming wedding to The Kills guitarist Jamie Hince. "Kate has agreed that Tracey will put her unusual artistic stamp all over the wedding, with no holds barred," a source told a Web site, apparently. "Tracey has so far been working on sculptures of the happy couple in preparation for the ceremony.

It already feels as if a fog has lifted regarding the role Joe will play, and its only our second conversation. It feels slightly useless to me now that I spend any time worrying about things - I chose all of these artists for a reason; I admire and trust them. Joe pulled open the dark curtains in my brain by simply saying that he would work between and around the other artist's ideas - it will be a part of his work to play off of the structure we create for him. In other words, it doesn't matter where the table/s are and how the guests move through the space and what the timing is like - Joe will be privy to all the relevant conversations about these things over the months ahead; his subsequent ideas/words will be the glue that binds it all together. But to put it simply, his role will be how to structure the monologue/dialogue with Jon and Liz and the guests.

Every time we meet something else will become clear. This process is certainly not boring. PS - My multi-talented friend Tif is back from Denmark and has agreed to help me this month with the project.

Valentine's day has come and gone. I spent most of that day looking at fonts online, but also took some time for a bit of reflection on loves past. February 14th is such a strange day for couples and non-couples alike. Some perceive it to be forced and commercial, which of course is true, but its also an opportunity to express love. Not such a bad thing.

I thought I'd share my moment of bought-and-paid-for romance. It was at the end of my big CoTour project. I happened not to be dating anyone at that moment and thought about how nice it would be to share that celebration of a job well done with someone special. It struck me instead to enjoy the fact that I wasn't with anyone and to purchase a fake boyfriend for a night, blur perception a bit. So I hired a male escort, Alex, to show up at the closing party for the event and instructed him to treat me like an adored girlfriend. The effect was exactly as I'd hoped: it confused the living daylights out of all my friends and family. My mom and my sister kept trying to get him away from me thinking he was some kind of stalker. Alex was certainly not my type, which served to increase mystique, but at a certain point I had to tell my mom and sis that he was paid for that they should back off and let me reap the rewards of my purchase. He brought me flowers, got drinks for me, put his leather jacket over my shoulders when it got cold and his arm around my waist, and he did it all with convincing starry-eyes. I know he was thoroughly amused, and I can't describe my elation; it was worth every greenback I laid down. At the end of the night Alex fetched his yellow corvette and we screeched away into that platonic night.

"Here's a not-at-all surprising fact about me & Liz: we love creating traditions & rituals. Serious ones, silly ones, whatever. Sometimes they last a very short time before petering out. Sometimes they last years. So it should further be no surprise that we have a Valentine's Day tradition.

But here's a maybe-surprising fact: our Valentine's Day tradition pre-dates our relationship. Or rather, pre-dates our romantic relationship. Liz & I, along with Liz's then-co-worker Jane, were casting about for something to do on V-Day, back in 2004. We were three singles, at least somewhat irritated by all of the coupledom around us being celebrated. We decided, simply enough, to go out for drinks. So we went to Hop Louie, a great divey bar in Chinatown. The evening was super fun. So much so that the three of us went back the next year (though by then, Liz & I were together). By 2005, you could no longer smoke in Hop Louie, but it was still a great night, filled with many whiskey sours, Glen the bartender's hilarious running commentary on what was on the teevee, and the occasional cartwheel.

We've gone back just about every year since. In 2006, Liz was in Germany for work, so Jane & I made plans to go on our own, only to find that Hop Louie was closed for filming. We still had a great night at Dinner Club M, but somehow it was reassuring that Liz seemed to be needed for the V-Day magic of the tradition. In 2007, we had to bail on Jane, as Liz was sick. So I went to the video store and picked up the very cute comedy Mystery Men. Halfway through the movie, lo and behold, there's a scene at, yes, Hop Louie! The tradition lives on! Jane has since moved to the Bay Area, but Liz & I carry on the tradition.

So what's this about serendipity? In an early meeting with Bettina, she told us about an earlier project, the HubbyCo CoTour, which included stops at some of her favorite east-side locales. I think you can guess which awesome Chinatown bar was prominently featured.

If you don't know Hop Louie, you should. And if you're there next year on 2/14, feel free to buy us a whiskey sour".

-JZ, 2/15/11

Just a shout-out to friends-of-this-project over at Dinner Party Download.

This week, they discuss an historical wedding both incredibly adorable and somewhat objectifying/exploitative: the 1863 wedding of Charles Sherwood Stratton (aka Tom Thumb) to Lavinia Warren. I know that there's a degree of objectification in most weddings -- with the couple as object -- but with some weddings this is more true than others. When PT Barnum organizes your wedding, there's more objectification than most. And when your wedding is a piece of art, there's also more objectification than most.

To be clear: I am not trying to make any point about being an object or a tool (relative to Bettina or to GetHubbied) in the way that I think most of us suspect that Tom Thumb was primarily a tool for Barnum. Bettina is incredibly respectful, and has gone to great pains to ensure that there's no trace of exploitation in this enterprise. But from the perspective of The Couple, it's hard, at times, not to feel instrumental.

As a special bonus, this week's DPD contains an interview with Chris Burden. (Which, in an oblique way, is yet another wedding reference, though perhaps only for one-half of the creators of DPD itself.)

Anyhow, check it out. Good stuff.

-JZ

She was 20 at the time

This is so uncanny, since Liz's Aunt looks a whole heck of a lot like my mom did in 1968, and its not just the hair. Odd that announcements back then listed the home address of the parents, though today there's more personal details printed about the couple. I love that there's a book of the month advertisement on the page.

A recent message from Ellen Marie:

"I wish I could bring to a marriage now a combination of all life has taught me so far—and those looks! And where did those 43 years go?"

click here for tips and short cuts to make your wedding a slice of bliss

and my personal favorite line: ..."pigs in a blanket and the bleakness of the bouquet toss"

Here is the latest from Liz regarding how we address the ceremony's flow, aesthetics, content and guest arrangement. We've been in a spirited dialogue with Karen Kimmel, Miguel Nelson and Joe Sola, who are the artists dealing with these aspects of the wedding.

"Thank you all so much for all your ideas so far—you has given us so much to think about. I can’t say enough how pleased Jon and I are about the artists Bettina has selected for this project. Your ability to both critically examine the wedding in terms of the aesthetics and the content of the ceremony, with a deep sensitivity about how those two elements are fundamentally intertwined, is going to result in a radical reworking that we could never have dreamed of ourselves but that we really wanted, and we are SO excited about that. Jon and I need to sit down and talk all this through together, but these are my initial thoughts about what’s been discussed so far:

A couple of points:

One of the most important things we want to “solve” in the ceremony/reception is creating a space of family and community and folding in the “guests” as participants/support rather than “audience.” I am hopeful that will partly be achieved in the ceremony itself, but it can also be addressed by creating a space in which people feel moved to be a part of things---comfortable, taken care of, relaxed enveloped in a genuine sense of hospitality and beauty.

The other dilemma presented by the ceremony/reception is: How might we bring a sense of ritual and the sacred to a secular ceremony (because the fact is, we are still opting to have a “ceremony” and call it a “ceremony”). Is there a secular vocabulary that exists (or that you/we can invent) that will bestow a sense of the gravity of the undertaking and mark this rite of passage for us and our friends and families. (Jon will probably take issue with my invocation of “sacred,” but I can’t really think of a better word for it.) FYI, the definition of ritual is: “a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. It may be prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community. The term usually excludes actions which are arbitrarily chosen by the performers.” This latter point is important to point out because I think we have to fold people in by drawing on the somewhat familiar, lest it become too unfamiliar/non-shared and thus too “performancy.” The idea is that we capitalize on values and gestures that we already all have, or at least recognize, even if they aren’t typically used in a wedding.

This is all to say that I think that Jon and I are pretty much willing to throw most conventional wedding tradition out the window if it means we can achieve the above two things (with the caveat that we recognize that making things too unfamiliar might scare the guests a little, and we want people to be comfortable.) So, to answer your specific questions:

I initially like the idea of the ceremony as a course as part of a long dinner, especially because of the ritual tradition of feasting/food and how that might be part of the larger ritual of the marriage. There is huge history, in terms of food and ritual, to draw on (even in the most quotidian Sunday service, one drinks wine and eats bread, right?) and it could be employed in a really interesting way that would be familiar and comforting to people. There is also, of course, the clichéd metaphor of marriage/love/commitment as metaphysically “nourishing” and “sustaining”—something, again, that would pretty much resonate with everyone, I would think. So, incorporating it into the framework of a shared meal could be a really beautiful gesture of tying together all the themes we are trying to bring to the forefront. I also like the idea of a multi-course journey a lot—I think that could be a really interesting way to get people to come together through a shared experience of participation.

My concerns about it would be: What does Joe Sola think about this? Is the idea interesting to him, and would he want to work with it? If the wedding is a long dinner, does that mean everybody sits at their assigned place for most of the night? Because it is also our wish that we get people to circulate among each other and come together as a larger community—not just pockets of people who already know each other. (This treads a fine line, though, because we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable my making them talk to strangers all night either…) Would the evening be so rigidly orchestrated as to be exhausting for guests after a while? And, yes, would I be too nervous by course 4 that I would not be able to say my vows?

I love the idea of having the table set-up as sculpture. I initially (even before Get Hubbied) really wanted long tables because I wanted more of a sense of “feast” and “dinner party” and not a sense of corporate hotel ballroom wedding, which is what those round tables suggest to me. I know there are serious space constraints what with the way the larger room is set up, especially with the columns, and that long tables are likely not possible. But if we can get to the ideas of hospitality, party, community, etc., with an interesting configuration, I am all for that. Forming a big circle around the dance floor/ceremony space, which was Miguel’s initial thought, is appealing--it’s definitely that kind of spirit which I’d like to foster, even if that’s not the configuration we ultimately choose.

I know that Karen is working out something amazing for the floral/aesthetics and, honestly, given her work I’m pretty sure I’m going to like whatever it is she’s thinking about doing. I do also love the idea of the Woolly Pockets, especially because, and I think I mentioned this before, Jon and I were initially really set on having the ceremony outdoors, so bringing in plants and flowers into the space in a way that they are very layered and dense like nature itself (even if that means we are using stencils or paint or paper or whatever Karen decides she wants to work with) instead of just a flower arrangement here or there is super appealing to me and will be very beautiful.

Many, many, many thanks!

Liz"

The Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock, will be the location for GET HUBBIED. Its signed sealed and yet to be delivered - but it will. Continued thanks to their entire staff who have been so open-armed and enthusiastic about this wedding project and patient with me, Jon and Liz with all the meetings, questions and time spent.

They have even offered above and beyond to promote and house a one month exhibition of all the art works, films and ephemera from the day, the day being: September 24th of this year! So, its a very happy announcement indeed.

The exhibition will open 2 weeks after the wedding to allow for film editing, photo printing and organization for the show. Of course I will be posting news as it arises.

Click for their website

I love this work so much it hurts.

click here

Michael, of Sir Michael's Party Rentals and Limousine Service and Catering, kindly sat down with Jon and Kate Mayfield (+Grover) and me, to give us advice and to show us items we could rent from him. This is one of the parts of the planning most alien to me, but that's a part of the fun. Plates, chairs, flatware, serving utensils, platters, tables, glasses, table cloths, lighting - etc etc etc. Even though this wedding is unconventional and will challenge the staid rituals of weddings, it still needs certain things if people are to park, eat, sit, drink, listen, watch and dance.

Michael's energy was infectious- and he will be such an asset. He has provided rentals for countless events at the Center and knows it inside and out, and so does Brian, the event coordinator there. They host as many as 4 weddings a month.

How to stage the wedding? How do you use the rooms and move people around for the ceremony, drinks and dinner? That seems to be the big mystery and challenge - and also not something I've had to think about much in other events I've put together in the past.

The Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock, will be the location for Get Hubbied! Its signed sealed and yet to be delivered. Continued thanks to their entire staff who have been so open-armed and enthusiastic about this wedding project and patient with me, Jon and Liz with all the meetings, questions and time spent. They have even offered above and beyond to promote and house a one month exhibition of all the art works, films and ephemera from the day, the day being: September 24th of this year! So, a very happy announcement indeed.

The exhibition will open 2 weeks after the wedding to allow for film editing, photo printing and organization for the show.

I've told everyone I know this story at one time or another because it touched me so deeply. I was in charge of the visiting artist's lecture series when I was in the grad program at SVA, NYC. There were a lot of characters who came through to say the least (Jeff Koons was a real kick; Schnabel was pretty amusing too though hard to look at with all the ‘work’ he’s gotten done; Christo and Jean-Claude Christo: seemingly not such a healthy marriage there, but they gave 'good talk'). Of all of the talks, Leon and Nancy were the most memorable, perhaps because they didn't talk about their work at all. They held hands in front of all of us bright-eyed bushy-tailed art students and talked about their marriage, their love, over the span of their long careers. Their art work was so different in style and temperament that they never got accolades in the press or in the public at the same time, though the attention they did get equaled out over time. They told us that the most important thing, the most precious, was that they each supported the other during the times that one was ignored and seemingly forgotten while the other was in the spotlight. They said that without their relationship to buoy them, either one of them would have given up their art.

Here's a spin on marriage when you get fed up with the fish in your sea:
click here

And it seems to be catching on in the media's consciousness:
click here

Personal note:

When I came up with the Get Hubbied thing, and many people began to verbally oppose me, including and especially my dad, I stuck to my guns - I needed to find a couple who love each other, who still challenged the whole idea of conventional marriage - AND who still wanted to do it. It was a tall order. There was a millisecond that I thought I should marry myself using the same concept with same group of artists - but thought against it right away. It wouldn't have worked - it would have felt too self serving - and wouldn't have struck as much of a cord - I would have felt silly and I don't think the artists would have been as inspired. Thus and then, my insistence to find the pair deepened. This is the right way to go for me.W

This article makes me feel old since I am so disconnected from that group of younger folk who create whole worlds and different selves on the internet. Though I don't think it would be the right fit for me, it is a good example of how artists are beginning to use their online identities for much more than just connecting with friends or trying to find someone to date).They can choose to be like anyone or anything they can imagine. I would be an owl - see attached image. Check out the article, a couple getting married in fantasy-based ritual within the web:
click here

Bettina's virtual self getting married

Karen Lofgren @ Post
One night only! Friday, the 7th of January
1904 East 7th Place LA CA 90021
7-9 pm

George Stoll at Maloney Fine Arts
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan 8 - Feb 12, 2011) 2680 S. La Cienega Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90034 6-8 pm

Joshua Callaghan @ Steve Turner
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan 8 - Feb. 5, 2011) 6026 Wilshire Blvd. LA, CA 90036 6-8 pm

Roger Herman @ Jancar
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan. 8 - Jan 29, 2011)
961 Chung King Road LA, CA, 90012 6-9 pm

defense of the story on salon.com that finds it valuable to depict real messy lives instead of the typical wedding section fairy tale: click here

Here’s an image of my Grandparents right around when I was born - they were married 75 years before my Grandpa died at age 100. Grandma is now 104. May this year be as fun as this image!

We are swayed powerfully by forces that suddenly erupt in our plans. We may marry someone, end a marriage, embark on an unexpected career. There are deep currents beneath the surface.
~ J.G. Ballard, from Some Reflections

Check out the recent article from the vows section of the Sunday NYT: Click here
...it caused a bit of kerfuffle in the blogosphere, and profiled a couple who recently married after falling in love while they were married to other people

In the Los Angeles Times today, Jonah Goldberg - who holds down the far-right pole of the paper's syndicated op-ed columns - weighs in on gay marriage. One of the nice things about some on the far right is a degree of intellectual honesty, and a shared analysis with those of us on the left (e.g., the fact that we're in a class war).

Goldberg celebrates the victory on repealing DADT, and on inching closer to social acceptance of gay marriage. Not because he cares about such cultural fights - he doesn't care too much either way - but because the fact of the fight is itself a form of victory for the right:

Two decades ago, the gay left wanted to smash the bourgeois prisons of monogamy, capitalistic enterprise and patriotic values and bask in the warm sun of bohemian "free love." And avant-garde values....

[Now], the sweeping embrace of bourgeois lifestyles by the gay community has been stunning.

Welcome to victory, friends. The stores are open; shop as usual.

-JZ, 12/28/10

For an article examining the second time around
click here

Is there more than one mate for everyone?

I wouldn't say that this isn't art, but hopefully you'll find a higher caliber of art at the HubbyCo wedding. (Pun most assuredly intended.)

From the Associated Press, dated today (and linked here):

Man shoots bride, best man, then himself at wedding party after announcing a 'surprise'

RIO DE JANEIRO (AP) — A bridegroom fatally shot his new wife, his best man and then himself after announcing to horrified guests that he had a "surprise" for them, authorities said Monday.

Witnesses reported that 29-year-old Rogerio Damascena, a sales manager in Camaragibe, outside the northeastern Brazilian city of Recife, did not give any previous indication that anything was wrong at his wedding reception, police investigator Joao Brito said.

Brito would not speculate on a possible motive, saying family members were in shock and he had not interviewed them yet.

Brito did say the killings are believed to be premeditated because of the groom's announcement and because he had hidden a gun in his father's pickup truck.

Twenty-five-year-old bride Renata Alexandre Costa Coelho and best man Marcelo Guimaraes were both killed in Saturday's murder-suicide. A brother of the bride was treated at a hospital and released.

The website Globo.com quoted a sister of the bride who left before the shootings as saying she didn't believe it was a crime of passion.

"My sister was a wonderful person who loved and wanted to be loved," Lucia Helena Coelho was quoted as saying.

"He was happy, she was happy, the party was beautiful. His family adored her and doesn't understand this," Coelho told Globo.com. "He revealed himself as a sociopath who fooled the entire family and killed his best friend, who was ... the best man."

I may be missing the main point here, but: why would the guests have been horrified at the announcement of a surprise (prior to finding out what the surprise was)? That seems odd.

-JZ

The rain is so constant right now (three days and counting) that damp socks, frizzy hair and a frustrated dog are a given. We all swam through it to take another look at the interior of the Center to think about logistics and flow. Kate Mayfield met us there and has graciously offered to help with the aesthetic challenges ahead - to make a large open space into a comfortable, beautiful and logistically workable one. It already has a certain church-like elegance. I wish I could put Jon and Liz completely at ease - I know I would never let anything I'm associated with be visually awkward, but they don't know that - so only time will tell. They were a little brow-furrowed.

A big pro about the Center is that they are used to weddings - they have almost one per month and already know what works and what doesn't. Luis Baeza, the Events Manager, told us about other weddings they've had, showed us nooks and crannies, movable walls, the basement, etc. He has a calm about him as we talk details; this quality will be wonderful to work with. He already made me feel like nothing could go wrong.

Liz and Jon gave me a pitch perfect bottle of wine today. The words speak volumes - apropos of us coming together for this project.

Wow. I got a link from a friend showing me the guy she's met on salon.com, so I went to the site and started perusing the fellows in my age bracket/location. These gents came up within the first 50 listings. Keep in mind, these are the pictures and profiles you see right away when their page opens. Its interesting(?) how people put themselves out there. Sorry about the lewdness, but it was just so incredibly funny/odd/frightening/awful, I had to share. If I had to choose between the following, I guess I'd go with the guy covered in mud.

My pal Karen Lofgren was the first person to get back to my Facebook siren's song re: the venue search. She's indefatigably helpful. and aside from my admiration for her team player countenance, I'm a big fan of her work (she's in the project too: cake). Her suggestion was to approach the CAFER - she is their grant writer. Before I revved up to contact them, she'd already talked me up and took the temperature of their interest, which was more than warm.

I arrived to 'pitch' the possibility of housing Get Hubbied at the Center. As soon as I sat down with Julia Salazar, the Exectutive Director and Renee Dominique, the Director of Development, I saw on the wall one of my fire hydrant posters I'd sent to Renee a coon's age ago. She'd actually framed it! It is quite large, so that is a commitment. This was a great start to the mtg.

I got lots of information across that for an organized mind would be possible to rearrange into some semblance of sense, though I was less than organized. I must not have been all that bad, since they put up with me for an hour and a 1/2, bless them.

They offered the space right there and then. Their enthusiasm was palpable. They want to have the wedding there and post wedding, a month long exhibition of all the artists' works - and if that weren't enough, even to help me raise some of the very needed funds to make it all happen. Now, to talk to Jon and Liz, have them visit and then come to a decision together - after all, its a collaboration, and their wedding. I drove full of verve straight home and then straight out to the post office and sent them 5 more CoTour catalogues, which they’d loved so much and each wanted one.

Here are a few pics of the visit: Renee, Julia, and click here for their current exhibition.

Our minds still full and buzzing from the George Stoll encounter, at dusk we entered a whole new realm of good. The three of us went to visit Lawrence who has graciously offered his home/manor for Get Hubbied. The spirit in which he opened his arms to the idea was unexpected (shock). I will quote parts of his immediate response to my first gentle pitch:

Our minds still full and buzzing from the George Stoll encounter, at dusk we entered a whole new realm of good. The three of us went to visit Lawrence who has graciously offered his home/manor for Get Hubbied. The spirit in which he opened his arms to the idea was unexpected (shock). I will quote parts of his immediate response to my first gentle pitch:

Gobsmacked - I'm not used to people saying yes so easily, or saying yes at all. I felt giddy but got down to business and asked relevant questions about how he entertains, how many people could comfortably be seated in the garden, what was off limits and such and such. After he said yes to 99% of everything, we were given champagne, lounged about in his living room surrounded by a stellar art and book collection, and neatly ordered curiosities, and had a spirited talk. He actually invited us to smoke! There is an ashtray in arms reach of every chair in the room. I smoked a cigarette entirely due to the opportunity to be decadent. He is a wonder. At no moment did I feel any social panic, and this situation would be ripe for that, but this is who he is - relaxed and positive.

Liz, Jon and I will put our heads together for a while and will visit some other places before lovingly locking anyone into this venture. The only con I see at Lawrence's home is that it may be hard to have a sit down dinner for 180 people (our flexible projected number of guests), since the pool is central to the back yard and the interior is filled with precious things. I would feel responsible for even a slight dimple in his world - it would be terrifying to have anything happen to anything in that home. So, that is a second con. Food for thought, but I went home feeling increased love for humans.

*this is not Mr. X's house:

George is part of the furniture at this neighborhood outdoor cafe, so we met him at his home away from home. We all got right into the discussion springing off of our mutual distaste of the ritual of the groom taking the garter off of the bride's leg (sometimes with teeth).

Wikipedia:

It is the groom's privilege to remove the newlywed bride’s garter and toss it to the male guests. The symbolism to deflowering is unambiguous. Historically, this tradition also relates to the belief that taking an article of the bride's clothing would bring good luck. As this often resulted in the destruction of the bride's dress, the tradition arose for the bride to toss articles of clothing to the guests, including the garter.

and from thegartergirl.com:

The wedding garter is said to be one of the oldest wedding traditions, dating back to the Dark Ages. After the wedding festivities, guests would accompany the bride and groom up to their bedroom to ensure that they arrived safely and to wish them well. It was considered good luck for a guest to take home a little piece of the bride’s clothing. Over time, this ritual evolved into a wild wedding night romp where guests would tackle the bride, ripping her clothes off hoping for a piece of her attire. (It is also said that wedding guests did this to “help” the new couple along)

Over time, this ritual evolved into a wild wedding night romp where guests would tackle the bride, ripping her clothes off hoping for a piece of her attire. (It is also said that wedding guests did this to “help” the new couple along.)

Liz was especially resistant to the idea of having anything taken off of her leg and anything that resembled this ritual. George brought up an interesting way of thinking of the approach. To point out a ritual's ridiculousness could be most powerful if you were to exaggerate the content of the ritual. He suggests making it bolder, obvious and more sexual - amp it up. Zippers, ribbons and pearls were materials in the discussion. His ideas will brew and the conversation will be an interesting road to the eventual piece.

Parents with kids remaining unmarried; breeding habits across educational boundaries; and waiting to get married until prepared: click here for the article

click here for the Ted Talk

This talk took place just hours before NY lawmakers rejected the key marriage equality bill in December of 2009.

Ben Guzman, and the micro-brewery Eastside Brewers he's raised from the ground up, yet another triumphant project he’s delved, has offered to donate beer for the wedding. I'm not a big beer drinker, or do I feign any knowledge of beer brewing, but listening to him talk about his growing business, the passion for it, and the nuances of it, had me hankering for the tasting he's invited Jon, Liz and I to in January. His generosity is so appreciated. I will do all I can to promote his business, as he has aided in mine.

Below is an image from an informal tasting of a sampling of his brew. And second is a picture of him taken from another project of mine he graciously participated in, The CoTour in 2008. He's also a talented musician and sang in the a capella performance at Barnsdal Park, co-composed by his wife, Kelly Martin, and another great friend, Dave Jones. He is also featured in the interview section of this book with Kelly regarding their marriage.

Joe's meeting was back to back with Kimmel - the same day! There we were again with nery a break, Liz, Jon and I, explaining our intentions, our wishes, our fog and our clarity.

Joe listened patiently as we got our bearings and repeated ourselves but then got into the grit of our thinking on the topic at hand, which is the verbiage of a wedding, the ceremony's crux, the statements to each other and the organization of such moments. 'Teetering', a word that came up early in our talk, is what I see as the goal to seek. We want to be subversive, and funny and prod the structures that be, but at the same time to embrace the actual happening - the two people committing publicly to each other in front of their near and dear.

Joe is the perfect fit for this teeter in my estimation. I have seen his performance work, and his skill as an entertainer is as strong as his skill as a pusher of boundaries. The comedy he controls that taps into the uncomfortable for a second (or much much longer), crosses back into comedy again; this a talent the likes of a symphony conductor. You, the audience, are awakened to the place beyond comedy, and are (hopefully) awakened to the line he has crossed and come back from with humor and a solid gaze. His work reminds me of Buster Keaton mixed with David Mamet; Henry Miller mixed with slap-stick, or cowboy movies mixed with kareoke. There's the teetering, and the skill in knowing just when you're about to go too far - to control the room, and gain the audience again. In this case, the work will be a dialogue with Jon and Liz and a ceremony paying attention to the couple and their deep affection for each other and the witnesses, but also a prodding at the structural norms of weddings that people repeat blindly.

There were so many ideas that came out of our talk. Suffice it to say there was mention of power-point, legal documents becoming characters in the ceremony and gafs at unexpected moments. Again, Liz and Jon were pushed into talking about things not in their normal dialogue patterns. It may be uncomfortable at times, but I hope they feel comfortable with that.

It was a mash-up of personality that went well. There is a certain satisfaction with watching people ignite.

But even better, these three drawings of Joe's I find particularly relevant to Get Hubbied: the missile drawings re: the conversation about the conflict between wanting to get married and not knowing why you'd want to get married: a yes and a no. We've been talking about using text on the wedding garments themselves announcing that conflict. Head Exploding- well, isn't that obvious.

Yes Missile 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 30 x 24"

No Missile 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 30 x 24"

Head Exploding 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 22 x 24"

Karen's used to events at a large scale and is concerned that the flowers, even though it is purely that aspect of the wedding that she’d be examining, will require much more thought, labor and cost than what we are asking of her. There is nothing sloppy or unconsidered about anything she does. At this juncture this rather open-ended wedding concept is without an aesthetic adhesive; this concerns her (and me), but this is the very beginning of the process and I trust we’ll sort it out (I also offered up my family as indentured servants for the cause).

I am not the type of person who would allow an event of mine be visually awkward or schizophrenic, but it did help to look at other projects of hers that created big atmosphere with fairly simple elements helping us to begin to imagine ways to structure the visual glue for stages of the ceremony such as hanging elements that would create shadow, or stencils on the table cloths to bring patterns together across the room. Big installations with a lot of detailed organization and mastery over materials - this is second nature to her; they also contain an inherent beauty, grace and inventive pallet that were the reason I asked her to be a part of this in the first place. Many of her workshops and events engage with under privileged and/or challenged children and adults; she brings them together via an art project to work on together, complete and exhibit within her overarching visual and structural plan.

I feel, the most important aspect of her work for this wedding will be a visual substantive backbone for the space that will make people feel drawn together, participatory and safe.

A discussion about the visual aspect to the wedding with Jon and Liz was something I don't think they'd thought much about. I felt they were challenged to verbalize what they wanted in a way they weren't prepared for, but that was interesting in its own right.

We met Jon and Liz at Amy' Cargill's compact yet comfortable editing room to go over the interview footage. I want to be able to give the artists a solid take on their personalities and values so that they can begin thinking of how they will approach their piece. Some of the artists won't be able to meet J&L in person, so this video will serve as their bearing. I know they were nervous to see themselves on film. I don't happen to like that experience personally, so I get it.

Amy had already gone through a first pass, taking out some of the no-brainer moments. We looked through the 30 minutes of footage taken down from an hour, that Amy will now take down to 20 for the artists and 10 for the website. I reveled in the reliving of J&L’s succinct and compelling messages that go hand in hand with my impetus for the project. They are also quite funny, and I forgot that about them - its often distracting being behind the camera. By the way, this interview was not masterful with focus. The camera was set to auto-focus and it kept finding the trees behind them outside - the trees looked sharp! They got along with Amy; there was much laughter in the small room; there were not that many moments in the video that they wanted to take out - I dare say they enjoyed it, and were impressed.

The last few days have filled my head to overflow with investigation into venues, and all their inclusions, exclusions, price sheets, guidelines, deposits, curfews, caterers, floor plans, capacity, parking, bathrooms, clean-up, valet, staffing, available dates, guest lists, seating, tableware, site fees, and deadlines. Don't laugh. My wedding (in 2000) was planned by my ex-mother-in-law, so I wasn't privy to the nitty gritty. I got to plan my dress and the favors and the cake, and that was pretty stress-free.

I put too much pressure on myself to get everything done each day. Prioritizing is elusive for me. I have my lists and I feel unaccomplished if I haven't crossed everything on them. But, I'm getting better, and setting boundaries. HA! I'm sitting here with five windows open on the computer each seeking more information, or fixing the websites, or making a chart, and another list. There's always tomorrow...

Liz, Jon and I met at Marvimon downtown, well, after I got completely lost, called them three times from the side of the road. No fun to show up all tangled up, and late - also, it was cold and I wasn't layered enough. Despite this, the conversation/process was useful, though as is the norm, took a while to gel. From the get go, Miguel was inviting and informative; he owns Marvimon and the Smog Shoppe, as well as conceiving and heading up the Wooley Pocket company.

I’m sure our budget won’t be able to bear the cost of either of his event spaces, but they are incredibly seductive and aesthetically right on target. I am in awe of the consideration and originality of every detail - its a bit of an embarrassingly pleasing hipster paradise. Also, he has really perfected the flow of a good event: how to park people/seat them/feed them/keep them entertained, let alone fitting in the ceremony itself. I think I've got the entertainment part covered though - it will be dynamic and all the elements will be re-thought, and presented differently than any movie or real-time marriage.

I did think the talk should have been more about Miguel's artistic contribution to the project than the workings of the space, but we got there in the end with a bit of verbal nudging. It took a little while for him to remember signing up for this (it was a year ago when he did so), but after I went over the list of artists and their role in the ceremony, the inception of the idea, and why I chose Liz and Jon (not necessarily in that order), he seemed to understand and was more excited/interested. His is to be the artist in charge of the presentation/concept of the food and has done many unique visionary art projects involving gatherings, food and/or drink.

Overall the experience helped me immensely, since sometimes when you repeat why you are doing something out loud in front of others, it helps you to remember why you are doing it.

Click here for the website

I drove to Jon and Liz's place, where I was greeted and kidnly offered potato pancakes. We ate, chatted and then gradually delved deeply into the details and lists of priorities to address regarding the wedding.

I had a spreadsheet listing the artists and the fees they requested for their contributions/art works. Added up it reached $37,900. This is quite impossible being that their entire budget at this point is $10,000 real dollars and $10,000 I will raise (positive thinking) to match their dollars. To resolve this I must ask each artist if they would consider lowering their fee considerably, which is painful since I want the artists to be happy with what they receive for their work.

The following made my mind happy in one way, and overwhelmed in another.

Jon had three immaculately meticulously thought-out typed pages in preparation for the meeting.
The first was split into three topics
1. A list of possible venues to research for donation of their space, and other venues.
2. The criteria of details needed for a venue, such as number of guests, catering, alcohol, parking, indoor/outdoor space, and curfew issues (we want to be able to stay and dance). 3. Suggestions and thoughts from one of their organized friends who had gone through this process re: what to ask, what you need etc.

The second one was a list of possible Saturdays starting with May, notated with holiday black-outs and dates of certain guests they knew couldn't attend, as well as a chart of temperatures for the months May-November 2011. There was also a list of full moon dates.

The third was an agenda of vital topics, like budget, date considerations, flowers, food, and what about honeymoon, rings and the dress? My head was spinning. I am personally attracted to charts, lists of things to do, and prioritization, but I spent the rest of the day and evening emailing and perusing ideas via google to try to wrap my head around all the details that had been raised. The word drowning comes to mind.

I sure have a lot to be thankful for right now. Regarding this undertaking specifically, its quite a list: family, friends, the contributing artists, Tif Sigfrids, Rose Apodaca, the newly appointed couple, supporters of the project who are promising to help in different ways. Its all quite magical if I can risk sounding mushy.

Cheer's to you all! I wish we were all here:

No I can focus all the stored momentum onto a real couple now. These forces have been gathering in luke warm storage for a year while the search was on.I've already begun venue outreach, artist negotiations and talk of setting the date. It looks like it will be 6-8 months from now. I'll give Jon and Liz a couple days to rest and eat turkey...or tofurkey.

I sure have a lot to be thankful for right now. Regarding this undertaking specifically, its quite a list: family, friends, the contributing artists, Tif Sigfrids, Rose Apodaca, the newly appointed couple, supporters of the project who are promising to help in different ways. I wish we were all here:

More details to come, but heavens to betsy, I’m elated. I suppose I should tell you the couple's identity: Jon XXXXXXXXX and Elizabeth XXXXXXX; they are now the cog for Get Hubbied's wheel. They came over to my place tonight and we played verbal tennis about many of the particulars. I am sure they are going to be interesting to work with and to make big memories with.

Thanks to my cousin Tyler, I have been exposed to this incredible webpage. I'm in shock, flabberghasted, my mind is reeling, I'm deeply amused, disturbed and all sorts of other things regarding discovery of this section of the online Huffington Post called: Divorce.

click here

They don't even have a marriage section...what is wrong with this picture? Its quite striking the way the tabs are listed at the top of the page: Living / Health / Divorce / Arts / Books / Religion.

Read through this Wikipedia entry. The founder of the company believes that "certain characteristics can predict compatibility, and lead to more satisfying relationships". It doesn't focus on shared interests, instead the "members complete a proprietary questionnaire that purports to determine characteristics, beliefs, values, emotional health and skills". It was discouraging that same-sex connections weren't possible. But with all the computer dating out there, this one has a distinctly different approach. Anyone have any experience with this?

click here

George is a muse in all senses of the word, an accomplished photographer, filmmaker and scholar, and lover of wine and conversation in the afternoons. I've been honored to have time in his company beyond this interview. In this current candid portrait, he is brutally honest in his rejection of the idea of marriage, though there are moments that leak a certain tiny hope that the whole thing: long lasting love/marriage, could be possible and mutually rewarding, though he admits it is a miraculous feat.

“The idea of marriage is kind of…I wouldn't go so far as to say repulsive, but I'd say it was, not interesting to me because there are just too many examples of horrific marriages. Why would you want to do that. Its like going to war or something. Why would you want to go someplace where people are trying to kill you. Maybe that's not such a good idea.”

"People get married and then they're are happy and then they are miserable and then they are happy again, so it's this flux. It's not a stable thing that happens.. and when you are not married what you experience is being by yourself a lot. The married men I know are dying to spend some time alone and the single men are dying to find something, someone to spend time with on these lonely long evenings."

There's a greater terror than being alone, and that's the terror of being with somebody who's driving you absolutely insane. I'm old enough now that I can balance out these two terrors and see them before me…and there's no question that (comparably) the terror of being alone is a picnic.”

I had the pleasure of meeting with Honor Fraser today; she is interested in the concept of Get Hubbied. I was thinking about finding a venue to serve as a launching pad for the project - to expose its intentions to a larger public - throw a larger net. We stirred up some great ideas and the discussion underscored for me the importance of working with a couple who truly fit and are inspired/inspiring. I was hoping the LAB, Honor's space for projects outside the scope of the galleries primary focus, was the place to hold the next event in this trajectory, but the LAB is more about singular artist's projects, not collaborative ones.

After more thought post meeting, it became clear that what needs to happen next is the wedding. That's all. Its that simple: find the couple, get the artists going, handle the details and have the wedding. I don't need an event before the main event. I always have to remind myself to pull back. I tend to go overboard with details, when the core of the idea is the most important.

Click here for the article

I met with Amy today, who will be taking over the editing of the interviews where David Herr left off. He is far too busy in the big apple to continue, and I want the footage already shot to be edited before the next blue moon. We will miss him though! It is good momentum on my end in getting the wheels of the project in gear to get the interviews off the shelf and out on YouTube and on this site. She's excited about the project, gets it, and I look forward to collaborating with her. My cousin Tyler Hubby knew her in Chicago many years ago, and so its nice to bridge the gap.

Click here for her website

click here

click here

Today I'm meeting with Rose Apodaca (a dynamo with the generosity of a saint who has been helping me all along with PR) to get all our eggs in a row to present Get Hubbied to a few people. This means tweaking the press release, getting a presentation together and all that I am not so fond of, but needed to get the word spread and hopeful support. I don't want the couple chosen to have to pay for everything, and I want them to be able to keep the artwork made especially for them. Nothing else makes sense to me. This is what has prohibited me from going ahead with a couple who have already applied. I have a couple I really like and could (and almost did) forge ahead, but I suppose I should hold out to see if these avenues of potential backing come through - to become the yellow brick road to fruition. This brainchild needs to be born.

Oct. 5, 2010

I've seen many complilations of bloopers, and like this one the best. Firstly: no annoying narrator, and secondly, there are many vintage clips, and lastly the editing is amusing and clever. Enjoy!

Wedding Bloopers

I'm pleased to announce that my commitment to waiting for this project to bear fruit in the best of ways is seeing some full-fledged fruit. Its been incubating, but not passively. I've been working behind the scenes non-stop on interviews, editing, and outreach for potential venues, sponsorship/underwriting etc.

There is activity, not just on the creative front: We have finished editing new interview videos and so many others to edit and post forthcoming. There may be a potent opportunity that will propel the project to a bigger audience. The couples in this second round are being let go, in order to get a wider field of play in regards to venue, exposure and resources. It will take more time, more so than any other project thus far, but worth the wait.

I am also going to activate this blog daily-ish. (ack - the word gives me hives, but I get it: it does give any interested parties more frequent updates and thoughts without me having to be up in your/their grill). So, bookmark it and check in. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, constructive criticism, and by all means and especially: praise, send them/it my way.

Interviewing a close friend about things you’ve never really spoken about so deeply is such a pleasant revelatory experience. And though we have spoken of relationships, marriage, Prop. 8, etc., and to be sure Dave and I talk of other things that some would blush at, but it is different to talk of a topic while holding a camera. It changes the dynamic from friends conversing into a serious study of a topic.

"I (personally) think marriage is a completely outmoded institution... an institution that has a whole lot of baggage. Perhaps gay people can do something to diversify that institution, maybe change it up a little and that could influence more traditional marriages. The bottom line is, there are civil rights, minority rights and gender rights, and you can’t hold back one group. Things have to go forward. Everything else has gone forward... that this (the right for gays to marry) keeps getting stopped in its tracks, is a real problem."

I had butterflies in my stomach on this one. They, the butterflies, had something to do with how much I appreciated the time and thought they, Jon and Liz, put into their application. I may have to plagiarize them in all future writings about the project. I'll just excerpt a part of it, though it is all as quotable:

A basic challenge in having a wedding is that while there is something truly meaningful about the intentions and motivations, the standard form of the ceremony is often stale, rote, even problematic. We believe that one possible solution that would allow us to affirm the essence while challenging the form is through “play.”

An essential element of the ceremony must involve explicitly challenging the institution of marriage before affirming it. We hope to take seriously some of the objections to marriage, including its traditional role in the subjugation of women and queers; its relation to the state and property rights; and the problematic expectation of marriage as normative.

We aspire to a ceremony that incorporates elements of the performative and interactive; one that is fun and funny while still being earnest; one that constructs a narrative and takes the guests on a journey; one that is as much commentary on the ceremony as it is ceremony itself. This will require striking a delicate balance: between the traditional and the non-traditional; between earnestness and silliness; between play and our own preachy didacticism."

Jon is a research director at an L.A.-based non-profit advocacy organization that focuses on improving jobs and the environment. Liz is has been an editor in the publications department at MOCA for ten years.

*Their last names have been taken out to protect their identities, as requested, since I ended up working with another couple in the end, and as a new beginning.

Rodney, a sales rep, and Vicky, a financial planner, are now living in Thousand Oaks. They met in a dog park and have dated for about 5 years and engaged since 2008. If it weren't for family, they would have gone through a Vegas drive-through.

What I found the most engaging aspect when meeting them, is that they are so different and yet they have come together; they seem like best friends who just happen to be in love (with benefits). It was also admirable to me that they are not at all a part of the art world and yet approached this art-drenched idea with an openness I wish I'd see more of in the art world. They were willing and enthusiastic to leave all the details up to me, which also spoke to me of their bravery in the face of family wedding demands and wishes.

I love this description of weddings that they both chimed in on about in their interview:

“Weddings are kind of boring. Everything’s the same. Everyone’s just waiting for the vows to be over. The boring blah blah blah...I Do...and then you go to the reception. everything’s the same...bridesmaids with matching dressing, tables all done with centerpieces...chicken or fish...the band, the DJ, the dancefloor in the middle...its kind of, well...eh. I just thought to do something different.”

Arriving to interview Emily Nettie Meredith (archivist) and Jeremiah James Lewis (writer and web/graphic designer) I was Tif-less, and the camera turned into a foreign object in my hands - Tif usually mans the machine. I finally got things working and we had tea while we talked. They easy to be around and completely at ease as a couple.

Here is a notable exerpt from their application form where they answer the question, "What about Get Hubbied appeals to you?":

“There is, of course, the superficial, obvious, and maybe most pertinent elephant in the room, and that's the benefit of having a wedding, its planning and execution, and all the myriad details taken care of and run by talented, inspired, brilliant people who aren't... us. Then there's the art itself. Marriage has always been a bit of spectacle, kind of like Jacques Brel on the streets of Paris dancing with soldiers on leave, or Dadaist theatre for the masses; weddings are the most public act of what is a rather intimate and private union. What better way to encapsulate the spirit of that boisterous openness by presenting it as an artistic endeavor? After all, a lifetime together generates not just love but also friction, and friction, heat, and heat, in some cases, can help forge artistic, pathways down unknown roads. Marriage is as much a matter of public opinion and interaction today as it is a thing between two people, God, and a silent, watching crowd.”

and a quote from their interview about Jeremy’s proposal:

“It was definitely unplanned. I did not have a ring. I didn’t expect to be proposing that evening, but being true children of our modern instantaneous communications age, I put the word out on twitter that I’d asked her to marry me - and that of course set off a flurry of activity in the twitter world and on facebook. What I found so interesting, was that as soon as I asked her, and as soon as she said yes, all of my previous doubts and wondering and questioning - it was all gone. It was like I had changed inside, and I know that sounds kind of cheesy, but literally, I felt different. I felt like I’ve made this decision - the hard part’s over. Now I just have to make it work, and that’s just a matter of waking up every day and saying, ok, this is me, making it work.”

I met Matt and Kirsten Hudson at a wedding for Zoe Crosher, an artist friend of mine. They were the surprise conversation of my night, and I was compelled by their story enough to pursue an interview. They met on match.com and are now expecting their first child. She is a whiz of a cook, and over dinner I was treated to a lesson on how to create a compelling online dating profile. They both had sensible tips as to how to present oneself in the best possible way when foraging that virtual meeting arena.

"There are very few things you can do in life where you can call something into being just with words. Of life’s big things, there are things that happen to you like deaths or births, moves or career changes or meeting somebody… some are biological and some are circumstantial, but as far as I know marriage and divorce are the two things you can do in which you decide to call something into being. With these words we go from being individuals to being a married unit….two people who are still individuals, but now there's this other thing that exists." ~Kirsten

"I went from being someone who was totally opposed to marriage, to thinking, Oh no, it wouldn't be enough NOT to be married." ~Matt

I'd never met Kristin Calabrese before, which is almost shocking as we know at least 158 people in common, so says Facebook. Of all the interviews thus far, and most likely all in the future, she and Joshua (Aster) are undoubtedly and completely unified. It was inspiring both in what I saw, being their individual art works and home/studio environments, and what I heard, which was their connectivity, their history and the story of their marriage. I look to them to instill some breath of fresh air into this whole marriage activity amongst artists. There is so much resistance to it, and mistrust of it, and she and Josh are simply utilizing it as a ritual structure that they are filling with their own beliefs - reinventing it for themselves - taking what they like, looking forward and leaving the rest behind.

I interviewed them in the back yard of their home inside their own professionally kitted out boxing gym, which serves as a boxing school for kids in the neighborhood.

“We are Brooke Richards: office manager/hostess/casting assistant, and Simon Herrera; owns a boxing gym. We've been together for 1 year after meeting at a gym in Pasadena. He was the boxing coach there and a friend of mine begged me to take the class with her. After the first class I found myself in love and ended up organizing my entire work and school schedule just to take his class (which is hard with 3 jobs on top of going to school). Finally, he met me at the hospital I was volunteering at one night and brought me dinner and we talked until 3 in the morning, told each other EVERYTHING (every secret, mistake, etc.) and we've been together ever since.”

and about gay marriage:

“Everyone’s a human being, and we always agre that there’s certain things all human being deserve, like food, water, air, and getting to love each other.”

Veronica is a painter preparing for graduate school and Clinton is a software engineer and musician, and here are a couple of quotes from their application. Its heartening that people applying are seeming willing to relinquish control of this major life event to favor this unique experience.

“We have been together for 4 years and decided that we wanted to be married after a series of life-changing events involving birth and death affected both of our families. We wanted being married to afford us opportunities to travel together as lifetime companions to nurture each other's changing paths."

“We are agnostic and open to ritual interpretations of marriage. We like to think of ourselves as creative people, aware of and attuned to the arts and artistic projects, living under the idea that art and life can be more interconnected with small everyday efforts. The opportunity to create a wedding ceremony through collaborative input and outside influences rather than inward, hierarchical lines of command is what attracted us to your project. We would like to put aside personal sentiment in favor of the experience.”

Kate (30-something) and Gordon (ditto) are friends of mine, but as luck would have it, also like the idea of Get Hubbied enough to apply. Their application reads like a good short story, and well it should since Kate is a writer/editor/designer etc etc. Ultimately it would have felt like cheating to have chosen them to be the couple since they are close friends, but it was a bittersweet decision since I know it would have been joyous and meaningful for all our families in our continuing enriching friendship history. They are now raising their charming son Grover and have started a creatively thriving business together, an artist’s foundary: www.artsrefoundary.com

This statement struck me as the root of their collective sentiment on marriage:

“The best part of a lifetime partnership is what isn't expected. It is losing your selfishness and embracing the life of someone who has somehow become just as important as you. We are building something big and wonderful together - and even though it isn't necessarily clear what that thing is, it is exciting and special and it would be impossible to do without each other. We think of our lives together as a creative project, always leading us into new places - working together to make our lives as beautiful and special as they can be. It is our hope that this project will continue throughout our lives.”

I am going to shamefully/shamelessly toot my horn via their words:

“We think that not only is Bettina Hubby a unique and wonderful artist in her own right, but that she also has a special gift for finding and encouraging artists with special points of view and abilities of expression. We are less interested in the individual artists than the collective result of their collaboration. What is most interesting to us about this project is watching (and perhaps participating in) a great experiment of artists delving into and exploring the roots, meanings and expressions of the cultural institution of marriage. The result can be nothing less than exciting. And what better way to mark what we hope to be a lifelong partnership of creating and building a life unlike any other, than by allowing a group of artists to bring their own inspiration and expression to a one-of-a-kind, once ever moment about our lifelong project?”

Richard Allan Aptekar (68) and Bevy Jeanne Travlos (61) applied today, and are unable to have an interview since they live out of town. I'd like to quote their application and wish them the best of togetherness - a unique pair to be sure!

“We both look and act 20 years younger than our actual ages. We met at Bevy's former office, at a business networking group session, 'Entrepreneurs In Action'. Richard is a property manager/entertainer/writer/wedding officiant. Bevy is a marketing consultant/jewelry designer. While we've both been married twice, we never say 'never again'. We both love and LIKE each other and we're still debating whether we should 'get married', so the determination of a lifetime partnership is still up in the air. Personally, I (Richard) love ceremonies that are totally unique, individual. I perform a lot (30+ each year; 20 years) As artists ourselves, we love the creative process and its results. It would be wonderful to have other artists interpret our ceremony.”

Richard's website: www.ShowsToYou.com

Renee Arnold (27) and Ryan Joyce (29), who applied online and can't be in the flesh to be interviewed, therefore excerpts suffice via Renee’s written voice to express a bit of their character. I enjoyed the fresh sense of humor and sincerity in their answers.

"RYAN IS A REGIONAL MANAGER FOR AT&T IN WASHINGTON, DC, AND I'M BETWEEN JOBS, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE MY EDUCATION FOR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL UNTIL WE START A FAMILY AND I BECOME A GRANOLA-BAKING HOME-SCHOOLING MOM."

“I HAVE WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO RYAN SINCE I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE IN 2005. MY FAMILY HAS A HISTORY OF BAD EXAMPLES OF MARRIAGE. IN FACT, MY DAD JUST GOT HIS EIGHTH DIVORCE, MY MOM HAS BEEN DIVORCED THREE TIMES, AND I HAVE THREE SIBLINGS WHO EACH HAVE DIFFERENT MOMS. RYAN AND I BEGAN TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE WHEN WE REALIZED WE WANTED CHILDREN TOGETHER AND WANTED TO PROVIDE THEM WITH THE STABLE ROOTS I DIDN'T HAVE AS A CHILD. RYAN JOKES HE WAS ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN HE WANTED TO MARRY ME ON THE DAY HE PROPOSED, BECAUSE I SHARED MY BREAD WITH HIM AT DINNER. APPARENTLY, BEING ABLE TO SHARE REALLY GOOD BREAD WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH I REALLY WANTED TO KEEP IT FOR MYSELF WAS PROOF THAT I WOULD BE WILLING TO SHARE EVERY PART OF MY LIFE WITH HIM.”

“NEITHER OF US ARE RELIGIOUS BUT WE WOULD WANT TO INCORPORATE THE AFRICAN AMERICAN BROOM JUMPING CEREMONY ON OUR WAY BACK DOWN THE AISLE IN HONOR OF MY AFRICAN AMERICAN HALF.”

“RYAN HAS GROWN UP SURROUNDED BY ART. HIS MOM, SUSAN JOYCE, IS A CURATOR AND SHE ACTUALLY RECOMMENDED THIS PROJECT TO US. ART HAS BECOME A BIG PART OF MY LIFE AS WELL AS A RESULT OF BEING WITH RYAN. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CURIOUS IN LEARNING NEW THINGS AND SEEING THE WORLD IN NEW WAYS, AND HAVING SOMEONE ELSE INTERPRET OUR DAY FOR US WOULD BE AN AMAZING NEW EXPERIENCE FOR US AND OUR GUESTS. IT WOULD BE A TRULY MEMORABLE WAY FOR US TO BEGIN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER.”

OUR first couple to consider! Austin and Dave have been together for 8 years. They have broken up and gotten back together approximately as many times as years, but their relationship is strong and has weathered storms. They have been in conversation with us to be our chosen couple and have questioned our motives, direction, covering all points possible. Its been challenging, and has ultimately strengthened the Get Hubbied resolve. They are also partners in their art practice under the name Fallen Fruit, and are getting the wide and large recognition they deserve for the social and community oriented work they do under that moniker. The Los Angeles County Museum (LACMA) is featuring their versatile and generous fruit-centric projects for the whole year. Understandably, they have chosen not to participate after much thought and conversation due primarily to the fact that our art practices may be confused/muddled with the merger, but I truly appreciated their serious and thoughtful consideration. Here is their website, which is quite impressive, its a wonder they have time to think about getting married: www.fallenfruit.org

They are the 1st and 2nd from the right

A Good Marriage, French, by Eric Rohmer - an impetuous but emotionally frail Sabine stars: a woman on a single-minded mission to find a husband. Ditching her married lover, she sets her sights on Edmond, the attractive cousin of her best friend. Edmond is cordial to Sabine but unresponsive to her romantic overtures. Her persistence is wrenching, but... - 1981

My Dad has made some verbal gesticulations hovering over the idea of asking mom on a trip with him. I have to say that this time it surprises me. Its been many years of moons since they were last together and let's just say, they have been down that road a few times with each other (4). Shakespeare lives on, and more power to them. Perhaps the fifth time will be the charm. (They have since been on a few trips, and gained momentum as a trip-taking occasional couple...but for now, this is stalled by the distance between Savannah, where Dad continues his family medical practice, and San Diego, where my mom lives to take care of my niece, Savannah. This story has a few more chapters I’ll bet.

Renowned feminist writer Vita Sackville-West and her husband Harold Nicolson shared an open marriage, indulging in same-sex encounters and other taboo practices in an era of strict societal mores. Set in World War I Europe, this Masterpiece Theater drama explores Vita's tumultuous affair with novelist Violet Keppel in a brave true-story portrayal of lesbianism in the early 20th century. - 1990

We started putting these ads up on telephone poles around the city in art-centric locales. Many site hits.

This remarkable Israeli movie about arranged marriages starts as a romantic comedy: unmarried at 31, Zaza is an embarrassment to his family. Though they parade him past young, attractive, and eligible girls, he resists them all--because Zaza already has a secret love affair with Judith, a divorcée. Zaza knows his parents would never accept Judith; but when his parents find out, the results are worse than either of them ever expected, leading to a harrowing and sad conclusion. Every turn of the story is full of lively, unexpected details; there's not a predictable moment in the entire movie. Dover Koshashvili - 2003

The Ad in ARTFORUM is out on the stands! I got a supportive note from Knight Landesman sent a nice note of well wishes - he really likes the project and wanted to make sure I understood the placement in the back was because it is an advertisement, so in that section, I got the best placement. I have such fond memories of working there. It was like being in a Woody Allen film.

Victor and Irma Estrada opened up to us about their troubles, milestones and ultimate successes. It was a deeply moving discussion filled with the kind of gulp you get when you hear of a couple overcoming major obstacles and doing the work it takes to stay together. They are now enjoying married life and each other more than ever before, and as Irma said, “I’m so glad I stuck it out. Its like a fine wine.”

"We have found that we've had quite a few challenges but what I think has been very interesting is that because we really have different viewpoints about certain things, it forces us to talk and communicate; the one thing I’ve found that’s helped us the most is communication. You have to talk about your issues" -Irma

"Ultimately to be married, it's not for people who are weak..it requires self sacrifice...But, from my point of view, when you’re married, that’s it: you’re married. In that respect you could say I’m really old school.

Also, there is an aspect to marriage which is really driven by the obligation to the children, not to each other, because those kids didn't marry you. Those kids have to bear the consequences of your behavior, and at times you have to bear that situation for the sake of the children." -Victor

Whoa, the details. This is harkening back to CoTour 08 where every detail had 100 details to it. Both Tif and I are on the computer too much for our own good these days, but its rewarding as all the artists bios and images, the research, the marriage poll, and all the aspects of the website we're building are solidifying the whole picture-ness of this project. One more month to get it all sorted, as well as organizing a three-day show at The Company (gallery in Chinatown), a collaboration between me and Abel Baker Gutierrez which takes place on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th of October.

Its a little nerve wracking to have put this brave undertaking into the hands of the universe, but it feels good too. The Ad has been sent to Artforum and will hit the stands on October 1st, thereabouts. The mystery couple will hopefully connect with the deeply good intentions of this project and have faith that HubbyCo, and all our collaborators will see to it that this wedding experience is meaningful and dynamic beyond imagining. Knight Landesman at Artforum, where I worked as the receptionist and then circulation director so many years ago, has given us a glorious discount on the ad, and has faith in our project. The artists are sending in good information and ideas, and its gradual (strong and sure) info and image gathering is a sight for sore eyes.

Xochitl and Mabell’s home itself was a testament to the strength of their relationship and includes a shrine they activate consistently as a reminder to their commitment. They were incredibly forthcoming about the challenges and victories of being a lesbian couple; they got married during that brief window in California when it was appropriately legal. Their cats were running and playing around in their abundant garden as we talked. Since the video was made, one of their cats passed away, so for them the video is a lasting portrait of not only their love for each other but as a monument of the love they had for their cat as well.

“I’m the first woman in my generation whose gotten married who wasn’t pregnant, who wasn’t being forced to get married...and that’s kind of a big deal - its a really big Mexican family and a lot of my cousins are already married. When I told my Grandma I was getting married, I said the bad news is I’m marrying a woman. The good news is that she’s amazing, and she’s a doctor, and I’m in love, AND I’m not pregnant. She didn’t quite see the humor, but I did.” ~ Xochitle

“I am willing to suffer heartbreak...heartache and sadness in order to have the happiness and the passion and the ecstacy that I also feel. So, you kind of have to ask yourself, are you prepared for that, before you get married, and I am. I think you have a choice...that’s the 21st century twist...and I chose to marry for true love.” ~MaBell

All the artist's have committed to the project, the advertisement has been scrutinized, to say the least, and is off to ARTFORUM. Mike Slack, the artist and the designer of the Ad, must be relieved knowing I can't send revisions and/or semantic queries any longer. Now its time to buckle into the month to make ready for when the magazine hits the stands on Oct. 1st or thereabouts. I want to make sure that every question anyone could possible have is answered before anyone asks, as much as this is possible. My virtual and physical bulletin boards are cramping with overuse.

Its a little nerve wracking to have put this undertaking into the hands of the universe, but its the kind of butterflied stomach I can handle and is normal for all artistic undertakings - the hope that what you create will be received well, will work. I hope an eventual couple will connect with the deeply good intentions of this project and have faith that HubbyCo’s collaborators will see to it that this wedding experience is meaningful and dynamic. Knight Landesman at ARTFORUM, where I worked as the receptionist and then Circulation Director so many years ago, has given us a generous discount on the ad, and has an encouraging enthusiasm for our project. The artists are sending in good information and ideas, and a gradual strong but sure info/image gathering is building my steam.

We started putting these ads up on telephone poles around the city in art-centric locales and our website is being tapped into now, as evident by its virtual attendance scorekeeper.

Tim and David are involved in a deeper familial relationship with each other than any romance they've ever had, but a deep commitment nonetheless. Neither of them have been in a long lasting partnership/romance. This is why they wanted to be interviewed together.

Here are excerpts of lyrics to the song they chose to represent their relationship, which is especially pogniant knowing the struggles they’ve been through as brothers/friends:

'For the Life That Will Be'

...If we remain together in our diversity - Together we can discover our unity - If we can put ourselves together we'll have continuity... If we stay together it will be a miracle - If we stay together we will be a family...We will stay together if we understand each other- If we pardon each other, what mistakes can we make? ...To the life that will be. For the life that will be - You will never be alone, I will never be alone, we will never be alone.

“What would interest me in marriage would be a commitment with a legal aspect. If I fall in love with someone from another county they should be able to become a citizen; it should include financial benefits, insurance, as well as the way you’re perceived in the world. I completely think that men should have the option to get married.” ~Tim

“In general it can be very difficult for two men to be together and to relinquish power in order to cooperate. The interesting difference between gay couples and straight couples that I’ve seen is that straight couples have this notion of romance - there’s already this road and this format and framing that’s already put up, whereas gay men don’t have that template in front of them, so they’re forced to find a way that works for them.

I don’t know if I’d want to have approbation from a society that has a really rigid notion of what coupledom is. I want approbation from the people I respect in the world I live in. They would be the people at any ceremony I’d do. I like the idea that it should be legal. We do live in a world where if your lover dies, you can’t go to the hospital and their family takes everything he owned from you - that is so horrific.”~ David

Orson Welles' audacious biography of newspaper baron Charles Foster Kane, which, in essence, was a thinly veiled portrait of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst. Welles's complex and technically stunning film chronicles Kane's rise from poverty to become one of America's most influential men -- and it's considered one of the best movies ever made. Notable to this topic is the famous 'breakfast' montage scene succinctly illustrating the disintegration of Kane's marriage in a brief time. 1941

vs

Life is Sweet - Mike Leigh, 1991. The plot is simple enough. A couple of days in the life of a working class London family. A couple of fairly deep issues are dealt with, such as eating disorders and depression, but other than a few moments, all we are doing is watching a family live their life: a strong hard-working mother; a weaker easily-led by his mates father; and their twin daughters: Natalie - resourceful and kind-hearted but with a strange tendency to wear men's shirts and down pints - and Nicola - screwed up, rude, irrational and painfully insecure in both her looks and her intelligence. Notable to this topic is the resounding sweetness between husband and wife, at the end of the day - there is love there.

Jon has taken portraits of couples in his circle of LA acquaintances and friends. He was struck by the uncanny pairings that have arisen and shifted amongst these people over time within this strong-knit group and so made the photographs on wood with holes in the top so that they hang on pegs next to each other, and are easy to take down and switch. Many partners have literally switched partners over time and many have remained friends. Jon is such a well-spoken succinct thinker, and though this undertaking may on first view seem like a cynical view of marriage, he is a romantic at heart.

“For years I’ve asked people, just randomly out of curiousity, why get married, why not just live together with the person you’re with. What’s beyond just being in a relationship that you get from this?...and the woman that I work with had the best answer, that you sort of make an agreement to go beyond whatever the normal problems you would have when you’d have split up with someone...whatever that is that’s gone wrong, that you would go a step further, or the ten steps you’d have to go through in order to stay together...”

“The whole idea of marriage is really antiquated to me. I think that’s why I interviewed people for years, why I still do it. I think more people get married than should because they feel its an obligation or almost an acquisition - tthey still think that even though they may be modern in their other ways of thinking, they’re very old fashioed in this idea about being married. I think it is outmoded and even though it is a nice idea, it needs to be upmoded.”

Here are a few couples he photographed (and not all of them are still together):

Sad film with a slightly satisfactory end via the main characters softening from a crotchety professor feared by his students and cuckolded by his young wife - 1940 Mike Figgis

We met with these nervous pair of camera-shy men, though they had no need to be. I've known them for years and have been the blissed out repeat recipient of their culinary talents that they dole out generously when entertaining from their home, my dream home. Again, I felt lucky to hear their back story and the challenges they face being together as a gay couple, the issues that remain with their families, and to talk about their love and how it has shifted and deepened over the ten years they’ve been together. They both almost seem surprised, not that they’re still together, but that its been as easy as it has been, as natural.

“About getting married, I always considered it just a piece of paper; the ritual or the ceremony really doesn’t validate the relationship. The peole who are around us see the way that we are - that’s a ritual in itself....I hope we grow old together.” ~ Mo

“I don’t feel that I want to get married. I don’t want to think about getting divorced. Being gay, you kind of had to fight through a lot of other things, so you get to make it up, and that’s the good part, making up your life together because you don’t have to fall into all the conventions.”

A German man, in love with his wife - that’s a fairly accurate summation of this interview. Christian and his wife have endured some major obstacles, but his first priority remains family over all else. He would rather be living in the United States, but stays in Germany for the sake of marital and familial unity. His wife was in Germany at the time, so I interviewed him solo about not being solo. I was moved to hear him speak about his decisions in life regardless of his personal wishes for career and location; he projected such utter unselfishness and sacrifice for the sake of the family, and emanated zero resentment. What struck/jolted me most deeply is that he specifically sacrificed his dream job for his family. I have met very few people, in fact I'm having a hard time thinking of ONE person, who has made such a big life decision and sacrifice for the other.

"Say, you’re an artist for example. its like using different media. Some people like to paint with red, and always paint with red, so they get really deep into it, or working with one technique…and so, you get deep and deeper and you know more about this media than anybody else, but if you jump from one media to another, you're always on the surface." ~ Christian

Check out the interview on this site, under video interviews

Ben and Kelly met through common interests, many different kinds of interests over many years, starting with Sonic Youth, guitar, noise and slop music, then bicycling as a lifestyle, and now, adding to their accomplishments and is a deep focus on old time fiddle music, which they play together in a band called Triple Chicken Foot. They share a common language that has become more rich and diverse over time, and their loving life partnership is evident in their joyous commitment to these endeavors.

“I told her (re: marriage), if we’re going to do this, then I’m going to do this and there will be no question in my mind. I wouldnt have said, hey, let’s get married if I had some doubt...No, this is it. And sometimes that’s not such an emotional thing - its not beautiful - its not a TV special, but its for real. Its what I’ve chosen to do, what we’ve chosen to do. There’s many many rocky roads ahead, but the deal is, you’re there. can you imagine going through all these rocky roads alone? You’d be fucked!” ~Ben

“When I met Ben I had such a feeling that this person was my life partner - it seemed that the most natural thing I wanted to do was to commit my life to him...in a way marriage is like a tree, and I’m very conscious as we’re talking about this that California, and the rest of the country too, is going through this last bastion of civil rights, and so I’m very away its a tree that not everyone can climb, but because of meeting Ben and how I felt, that was the tree I wanted to climb.” ~Kelly

Javier and Signe met in Barcelona on vacation and fell in love. They were not married, and feel strongly that the institution is not for them. They were together for more than 8 years and travel separately for their individual careers, he for art and she for social work. I was curious to see a relationship work with so much separation and no verbal or legal commitment.
(alas or for better, since this video was made, Javier and Signe are no longer together)

"Its (marriage) a convention. I don't want to always think I have to do what the other people are doing in the ways they are doing it. If I wanted to get more committed and celebrate that, I would actually do it on a daily basis toward her. Because being together with someone requires that you commit, that you give a lot of yourself, that you cut your ego. " -Javier

Is it really ideal for you to be together with one person for a really long time? I'm not sure. Nowadays people are more independent, and that's also reflected in relationships. People are more picky…they don't accept too many things that annoy them. Its difficult living with another person. So, a consequence of the financial independence people have gained is also that they have different relationships in their lives….and I don't think that's a bad thing. ~Signe

Tif and I met with Linda and Alan, very accomplished architects who are known to use recycled and green methods of building. We went to discuss the build out of the desert property I purchased a year ago - a plot of dirt with a small structure on it. I say small structure instead of house since its basically walls and a roof, no plumbing or any interior goodies. We envision it to be HubbyCo Far East, and a component of Get Hubbied. It is envisioned to be a retreat for recently joined couples to go and get away from each other, to be alone and to think about marriage, togetherness and themselves as individuals. I went to Montessori school as a child and thought of guiding the individuals in a similar style and structure through films and reading materials and activities in a solitary peaceful environment.

We then went out to the desert to visit a property that they built, called the It House. Check out their website:
click here

I've known Michele, an artist, and Ivan, a graphic designer and web guru, for many years, but, as it sometimes tends to go with even the closest of friends over scores and scores of evenings of conversation, have never broached the topic of their relationship, how they met, and what marriage means to them. I consider myself deeply blessed to have been amongst the invitees of their wedding years ago. It was by far the most touching and emotionally resonant wedding I’ve ever been to. Individually they are such strong independent and talented individuals but neither take the dominant role in the relationship- which I find quite rare. Until now, I was more aware of their love of cats than what they thought of their own love of each other, since there is no avoiding the issue of cat love in their household - I think at one point they had about 9 of them. Now they are joyfully raising their child Ellis amongst the cats.

“We got married because we love each other; its an expression of our love, and its a big celebration of our love that everybody can understand.” ~Ivan

“I feel like that for as many ions marriage has existed, it still has a whole new meaning for me and for Ivan and our relationship...Its an institution or idea that exists and you can make that idea what you want."

Symbolic acts are really important to people. There are all kinds of ceremonies that have significance, like christening a baby...the first birthday party, funerals...there are all of these milestones that are very meaningful and I feel that it (marriage) should be for everybody.” ~Michele

See their interview, and at least one of the cats, under video's on this site.

This film is considered one of Ingmar Bergman's best, an intense drama follows the marriage of Marianne and Johan as it deteriorates - the frustration and misunderstandings palpable. When Marianne learns of Johan's infatuation with another woman, the relationship unravels, yet through it all, a deep, underlying love keeps the couple connected. And Marianne's discovery of her power as an independent woman woos him back to a deeper union. 1973

Here are some of the questions we are asking in the interviews:

How old are you and what do you do for a living? How did you meet? Did you have significant relationships before you met each other? Are or were your parents’ happily married? Tell us about the circumstances leading up to your marriage? Why did you decide to get married?
What are your thoughts on gay marriage? What aspects of marriage are most important for you? Do either or both of you subscribe to religious or cultural conventions? Was your marriage something you did for your family? Do you think taking occasional breaks from each other may prolong marriages?
Do you look at marriage as being a long term commitment, but not necessarily till death do you part? How many people do you know who you think are happily married?

The marriage project I conceived early this winter now feels like a real undertaking instead of just a conversation. It all started with thoughts of doing a group show on marriage - to study it, think about it, discuss it and create something about it. My life has been touched by the institution time and time again in that my parents married and divorced each other a few times, both my sis and I have married and divorced, and the prop 8 issue has brought marriage into the forefront of current discussions. I thought it fair game and of interest as a topic for art making.

With time and reflection the group show structure was too lifeless as a format for Get Hubbied. I came around to the fact that the format needed to be a wedding itself; all the players within would be the creators of the wedding, including the couple, the bride and groom’s families, my family, the artists, Tif and me. So, I began thinking of this more as a collaborative event, and to choose the couple based on their ability to enjoy and participate in this unconventional but very joyous way of discussing, questioning and celebrating the institution of marriage.

Though, through various technological challenges and learning curves broached and battled, proudly, the first few interviews have been filmed, and the footage awaits our virtual red pen...and then we'll begin posting them to the website.

Stay tuned.

xHubbyCo

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From Dictionary.com

mar-riage [mar-ij] noun 1. a.the social institution under which a man and woman establishtheir decision to live as husband and wife by legalcommitments, religious ceremonies, etc. Antonyms:separation. b.a similar institution involving partners of the same gender:gay marriage. Antonyms: separation. 2. the state, condition, or relationship of being married; wedlock: ahappy marriage. Synonyms: matrimony. Antonyms: single life,bachelorhood, spinsterhood, singleness; separation. 3. the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of twopeople to live as a married couple, including the accompanyingsocial festivities: to officiate at a marriage. Synonyms: nuptials,marriage ceremony, wedding. Antonyms: divorce, annulment. 4. a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves toeach other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legalsanction: trial marriage. 5. any close or intimate association or union: the marriage of wordsand music in a hit song. Synonyms: blend, merger, unity, oneness;alliance, confederation. Antonyms: separation, division, disunion,schism.

Origin: 1250–1300; Middle English mariage < Old French, equivalent to mari ( er) to marry1 + -age -age

Can be confused: ?marriage, wedding (see synonym note at thecurrent entry ).

Synonyms 3. Marriage, wedding, nuptials are terms for the ceremony uniting couplesin wedlock. Marriage is the simple and usual term, without implicationsas to circumstances and without emotional connotations: to announce themarriage of a daughter. Wedding has rather strong emotional, evensentimental, connotations, and suggests the accompanying festivities,whether elaborate or simple: a beautiful wedding; a reception after thewedding. Nuptials is a formal and lofty word applied to the ceremonyand attendant social events; it does not have emotional connotationsbut strongly implies surroundings characteristic of wealth, rank, pomp,and grandeur: royal nuptials. It appears frequently on newspaper societypages chiefly as a result of the attempt to avoid continual repetition of marriage and wedding.